The Ultimate Power Rankings - Part Three

As mentioned earlier, I'm breaking down all 92 professional sports teams in the NFL, NBA and MLB according to who I'd root for to win a championship (click here for all posts on this topic). This is helpful because we will be able to tell, at the end of this exercise, who I would root for if the Kansas City Chiefs met the Cleveland Browns in the AFC Championship game. We'll also be able to tell who I would be willing to bargain with the devil to get a championship for (the trinity), and which teams I'd bargain with the devil to get the franchise to contract (still to come). Also, it gets my mind off of work. So, without further delay, here is our third tier:

But Dammit, Do I Respect You (Ron Burgundy Edition)

7. Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays

The Pros: First, I refuse to drop the "Devil" in the name. I know that that simple move apparently allowed them to exorcise their demons (literally and figuratively), and suddenly they won more than the Cubs have in a century in a five year period. But it was cooler with the Devil in the name. Beyond that, I respect the front office and the way that they break down opponents, trade intelligently, and the way they develop prospects. I wish the Cubs had their front office. I'm also really excited to see three or four players out of the Cubs trade for Matt Garza celebrate a world series win in Tampa. Thanks for making me so optimistic Jim Hendry.

The Cons: Well, for one, they dropped the Devil, losing a cool name. They also have no fans, and a crappy stadium. And they probably just ripped the Cubs off in a trade. The running trend here is that I am Wes Mantooth to each of these team's Ron Burgundy. I'll probably be pissed that the Cubs got ripped off, but I'll respect the (Devil) Rays for doing it.

The Verdict: The Rays are like the little engine that could and almost has a few times. They go up against the Yankees and the Red Sox, and have had some success making the AL East a three team race. You've gotta respect that.

8. Oklahoma City Thunder

The Pros: Kevin Durant is the good super star thus far, quietly resigning with his small market team, and carrying himself well. They are a fun team to watch, and they are the best hope long term to hold of the Miami LeBron's.

The Cons: Look, they stole the franchise from Seattle. Bill Simmons won't call them the Thunder, he calls them the Zombie Sonics. I can't totally forgive the shady stealing of the franchise. And that's the biggest con of all.

The Verdict: Lots of upside, I am placing my hopes of stopping the Heat in them, and Durant seems to be a good guy. Beyond that, you've gotta respect the front office, even if I hate the ownership for stealing them away from Seattle, and losing us an iconic franchise in the process.

9. New England Patriots

The Pros: repeatedly beat the Colts, thwarting any chance Peyton Manning had of being known as the greatest of all time. Nearly had a perfect year, which you've gotta love. Brady is the everyman's superstar: drafted in the 6th round, forgotten, but a serious winner. I'm a sucker for dynasties, especially when they stand in the way of Peyton Manning.

The Cons: well, they blew a 3 touch down lead against the Colts in 2007, which, when mixed with a little Rex Grossman, led to Peyton Manning being a Super Bowl Champion. They then turned around and blew the game against the Giants, leading to Eli Manning being a Super Bowl Champion. Tom Brady has also grown his hair out, making him less of an everyman's superstar, and more of a super model wanna be.

The Verdict: The Pats would have been higher in 2006. They are falling with every year, but they are still this high because: A) I respect the way they have built and maintained their franchise, B) they toppled the Colts repeatedly, C) I won a lot of money betting against Colts fans when those teams played, and D) I really don't like the Colts, their fans, and will idolize anyone who topples them. If Grossman had won the Super Bowl against the Colts I would have probably made a blood pact to name my first born Rex. In a way that makes me glad the Bears didn't win.

10. New York Yankees

The Pros: Saint George (rest in peace) ran a franchise the way I'd run it, which is to say with too much interference, and sparing no expense out of a desire to win. I respect Jeter and Rivera. The Yankees dynasty of my lifetime did it with a ton of class, and the 1998 team was dynamic to watch because it had so few all time greats, but played like a team in a way few baseball teams ever have. I also appreciate the history.

The Cons: About the time that George started to see the end coming he green lit the trade for A-Rod, and all the insane free agency acquisitions, which never seemed to work out. And let's be honest, A-Rod is the anti-Jordan: prissy, not a winner, obsessed with self. You know, like Peyton Manning, only with more steroids. The loud mouthed son (Hank?) is a tool. I listen to/read so much Bill Simmons that his Yankees hate is starting to seep in on me. This is another team that might have been higher if you had checked in in the 2004 season. They also blew the 3-0 lead to Boston in 2004, which no longer is a big deal (with the White Sox and Cardinals winning since then, I've had bigger fish to fry), but at the time made me feel isolated and alone as a Cubs fan, watching the Red Sox winning it all one year after my Cubs had blown their best chance in two generations. So they take a hit for that.

The Verdict: I respect the dynasty, and I respect George. But George is gone, and they keep doing things that make me question my childhood decision to pick the Yankees as my AL team. The Rays have already jumped them, and at the current rate it's highly likely they'll continue to fall rather than have a resurgence on this list.

11. Charlotte Bobcats

The Pros: Michael Jeffery Jordan.

The Cons: Everything else about the franchise.

The Verdict: yes, MJ means that much to me. I can't think of the appropriate movie quote, but I'd follow him anywhere. I hope this team succeeds because I want him to succeed. I suspect it won't because I think Michael was constructed to do one thing: play basketball. But I respect the man so much that his team makes this tier based entirely on him owning the team. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go watch some youtube clips of the 1998 Chicago Bulls.