Online Poker - What Gives?

(Edit: I thought I made this pretty clear in the post below, but this is play money I'm talking about. I'm a recent college graduate, and I went to school for a degree in political science. If I had $20,000 laying around you should be concerned that I robbed a bank or kidnapped Alphonso Soriano. Maybe both. But I certainly wouldn't be putting it into poker. I'd be paying off my car so that it can die and I can get a new one.)

I enjoy playing poker; I play for fun, rarely getting into games with more than a five dollar buy in. I play a pretty tight style of poker, waiting on premium hands and betting them up, but I also like to limp with suited connectors, ace - weak, and any other number of marginal to poor starting hands.

I recently have started playing online, a decision I made out of curiosity for how the game changed when you didn't have to read anyone, just play the cards. We all see TONS of commercials for various online poker communities, but I decided to sign up for fulltiltpoker.net, mostly because the name sounded much cooler than others. Today, while watching the Cubs do their absolute best to cause me to drive to Chicago and beat up a Gatorade cooler myself, I decided to up the stakes I've recently been playing online. Consider:

- You start with 1,000 play chips
- I began today with just over 30,000 play chips
- I have been playing in 5/10 tables, which have a maximum buy in of 1,000 chips

As you can see, I've worked up a bit of an imaginary bankroll (considering I play maybe an hour a week, and have for a month, that's not too bad). I decided today to go to the 100/200 table, buy in for the max of 20,000 chips, and see what happened. The following ensued:

3:11 PM - I buy in for 20,000 chips. The table is full (9 people), and the chip stacks vary greatly from the chip leader (the aptly named "PimpPlayer31") who sits at 55,200 chips, to the small stack sitting at 3,600. I sit across the "table" from PP31, and begin to play some hands. From here on out the following system will be used to describe hands: H = Hearts, D = Diamonds, C = Clubs and S = Spades. Also, A = Ace, K = King, Q = Queen and J = Jack. PP31, clearly, is our chip leader and nemesis, PimpPlayer31.
3:12 PM - I post the big blind (200) and am rewarded with a 4S and a 10D. There is a raise to 400, I fold.
3:13 PM - I get a 4-9 H and then a 6H and 9C; I fold both.
3:14 PM - Bets at this point are typically running between 1,000 and 2,000 chips pre-flop, or in other words they are going between 5 and 10 times the big blind, while requiring between 1/20 - 1/10th of my chip stack. Needless to say, I fold my K h 7C.
3:15 PM - PP31, the awe inspiring man (I assume) he is, is playing excellent big stack poker, raising the 200 blind to 2,200 chips. I fold my 10C 4H; others don't. He takes down a decent pot.
3:16 PM - I'm the big blind, and I can't tell you how excited I am to play a hand. Once my blind is in my world is ROCKED by ... a 5C 2H. I get to check with no raises ahead of me, but after a flop featuring Jd Kc Ah I am quickly rushed out by a 2,400 chip raise. Jacks full of Aces win this one; in other news, this is why it isn't a good idea to limp with crap hands like 5C 2H. Some people will maintain you need to "see the flop" but over the long haul it will not pay out.
3:17 PM - Small blind (100) ... I'm dealt a 6C 7H. At least these are connected. I'll limp if I get the chance, but it is raised to 400 ahead of me, so I fold.
3:18 PM - I have a hand for the first time today: Ah Jd. I call the big blind (200), and watch in dismay as the Cubs fall behind 3-0. K Q J show on the flop, all clubs. It's raised to 600, and I get out of the way.
3:19 PM - These are dangerous hands for me: K-5 H is dealt to me, and I limp in. The flop hits Ks As 2H. I hit mid pair (K's), but would be behind to any Ace as well as any King most likely, due to the weak nature of my kicker. The 2H leaves open a small chance for runner-runner flush, but that's not worth betting on. The bet is 200, however, and I can't help but call, seeing as how this is the first hand I've had all day that hit. 4th street gives me a Kc, making me 3 of a kind. I'm feeling pretty good now, hoping someone has hit their Ace, allowing me to take a big pot. The bet fires to me at 5,800 chips, which is at least 2.5x the pot. I fire back double that (11,600), pushing my opponent all in. They call, and show K-J. They have the same 3 of a kind, with a much higher kicker. Danger Will Robinson, danger! Luckily for me, a Queen comes on the River, allowing me to chop the pot! Luck is better than being good sometimes.
3:21 PM - After that crazy hand I now sit a whole 100 chips above my buy in, at 20,100 chips. I celebrate by folding Kh-6c.
3:22 PM - I'm dealt my best starting hand yet: A-Q of spades. I raise the blind from 200 to 400. I get 5 calls, and there are six of us to the flop, which goes 8d Kd Ks. Not exactly an awe-inspiring flop for A-Q spades. the bet is 200, I call, although I'm not sure why. 4th street gives me an equally helpful 9c, leading our friend PP31 to fire 3,400 chips at me. I meekly fold, and am now oh for two on good starting hands.
3:23 PM - Now we're talking! I get Kh-Kc, and I'm determined not to let someone limp on me here. I raise to 800 chips, and a few calls. The flop seems harmless (3d Qh 6d), but I want to see what's out there so I bet only 200, and get a few calls. 4th street makes me think I misplayed, as a 6s comes up. It's raised 5,200 to me, I raise another 7,000 to push my opponent all in. He calls, and the river doesn't matter: my kings hold up over his queens. Best case scenario here.
3:25 PM - I get a Kh and 5c. I feel like I might be getting hot, so I call. The flop comes in as 4s 5s Jh, and I decide that my mid pair is good, so I raise 500. I am reraised to 45,000+, and I meekly fold. He shows his trip fours.
3:26 PM - I'll get over that, but I need to stop limping. This hand I'm on the big blind, with a 7-10 of spades. I check, and the flop comes 2s 9s Jc. I'm 4 to the flush here, so I call a 200 chip bet. 4th street is a 9d, and in the face of a 1,700 chip raise I fold.
3:27 PM - 9h Jd is my small blind hand. I limp for the additional 100, and am rewarded with a flop of 7c 6d 2s. I check, the raise is to 1600, and I fold. If I had stayed I would have ended up with the 9 high straight, and chopped the pot. If I had stayed I would have been insane. Good fold on my part, even if it's a basic "duh" fold.
3:28 PM - 3:34 PM - I go into an awesome run of hands here, all of which I folded pre-flop: 5-2c, 5h Qs, 6h 8c, and 4h 10d. I would have flopped the straight in the first hand, but lost to a full house. In other news, PP31 is sitting at over 87,000 chips right now.
3:35 PM - K-10 of hearts; I'm so excited to see a moderate starting hand that I might cry. I call 200, and get a flop of 9 9 8 with no hearts to be found. It checks around, and a Qs joins the fun. I call a 200 chip bet on the outside chance that a Jack will show. It doesn't; a 2d plus another bet leads to my fold.
3:36 PM - Q-4 diamond to start, and I'm on the big blind so I check. The flop is very promising: 10s Jd 9d. Open ended straight draw, 4 to the flush. I bet 400 and get only one call. 4th street is Ace of spades, a card which helps me none. I fire a pot bet of 1,400 chips, and get my desired result as my opponent folds.
3:37 PM - I'm in the small blind and I get Ac As. I want to isolate this hand as much as possible, so with a number of calls ahead of me I raise to 6x the big blind, or 1,200 chips. I get 1 call. The flop hits, I fire another 800 out, and my opponent folds. I'm up to 31,300 chips.
3:38 PM - I fold the next two hands; in other news, the Cubs suck.
3:39 PM - 10c Ks. I call, and there are 3 to the flop, which is 10 - 4 - Q. I hit mid pair here, and bet 200 at it, which is called. A J shows on 4th street, and I fire another 200, getting another call. Ah comes on the river, making me the Ace high straight. I am raised 200, I bet the pot of 2100, he goes another 400 to move all in, I call. He has two pair; I take it down.
3:40 PM - chasing a straight here (I had Q-9 of hearts, the flop came A8J with a 6 on 4th), I end up calling a pot bet of 900 chips, and miss. I fold the next hand.
3:42 PM - I'm the big blind, and I get a 10-3 h. What follows is an example of how bad hands find ways to lose. The flop is Q 2 Q. It checks around. A 10 shows, I bet the pot (700) and get a call. A Jack shows on the river. I bet, he calls, I lose to a pair of Jacks with the pair of Queens.

I played for another 10 minutes or so, folding about 11 hands and limping on the small blind with 2-7 of spades, only to hit trip twos and scoop a small pot. By the time I was done PP31 was down to 79,000 chips, I was sitting around 35,000. I was tired of mindless playing, but at least I was more successful than the Cubs.

So what have I learned? Good question.

1. Playing poker online greatly speeds up your decision making in real life. You've got nothing to focus on besides pot odds, card odds, and things of that nature.
2. What felt like an eternity online (folding a few bad hands in a row) would go by in the blink of an eye in real poker. This is because you get to socialize at a poker table, and you get to focus on people. Online you're just kind of ... waiting ... for a decent hand.
3. Playing online is like playing with a bunch of loose players in real life. They will raise a ton with nothing. They'll go all in with nothing. And just like in real life, if you want to win just wait. They may get lucky, but you'll probably prevail.

So, I'll leave you with this: if you're looking for a fun way to kill 20 minutes or a little more, try online poker. Fulltilt's site is accessible, and the pace moves pretty quick. But don't expect to pass an afternoon doing it; even I was ready to watch the Cubs get killed rather than keep on playing by 3:55. If only Soto hadn't grounded out with the bags full...