2012: An Early Handicapping

"We've been sitting on the fence for far too long..."

Okay, so this is a lyric from the legendary musical "Jesus Christ Superstar," but it also has relevance when connected with my shocking silence on the 2012 presidential race. Do you realize it's only seventeen months before the election? I haven't told you what's going to happen yet! You won't know who to vote for if you want to vote for a winner! Ah!!!!!


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............. don't worry friends. I'm here to help you. In fact, let's break down the candidates, as they stand right now. You can thank me later.

Democrats

Barack Obama (incumbent ... in case you've been in a coma since election night 2008)

The Pros: he's the incumbent, although as Jimmy Carter famously showed us in 1980, that doesn't stop your own party from trying to off you. So the fact that Obama looks strong enough to avoid the ghost of Ted Kennedy trying to usurp him is a good start. Beyond that, the economy appears to be slowly, but steadily improving. We won in Iraq (kind of). We are winning in Afghanistan (I think). We finally put Osama bin Laden in check mate (unless you believe the same people who believe Obama isn't an American citizen ... in which case I can't help you). The biggest advantage our current president has is that he is, well, presidential. That only matters when you look at the field of people who will be challenging him ... but trust me, it will matter in this race. His last poll numbers indicated that 30% of Americans will absolutely vote for him, 38% will absolutely not vote for him, and the rest are up in the air. While it is always true that a good number of these "undecided" folks just like to pretend they are undecided, and in fact already know they will or won't vote for Barack (cut to my father silently nodding), it still is interesting information.

The Cons: Where to start? How about with the fact that his economic policy is virtually identical to Dubya's in every way. Don't believe me? Look at this list:

• Keep taxes down in a way which helps the rich disproportionally - CHECK
• Bail out any and every corrupt or poorly run business which is going under - CHECK
• Pass massive healthcare legislation without cutting elsewhere (Bush's prescription drug benefit, Obama's Obamacare, which would have been better if it was actually Obamacare and not so much the Pelosicare that it turned out to be) - BIG **** CHECK
• Look the other way while our national debt skyrockets - CHECK
• Ignore the fact that our welfare system is broken - CHECK

Honestly, I could go on and on. I swear to the spirit in the sky that I was told we were electing a crazed liberal socialist who would turn our country into the USSR circa 1980, and that he was replacing a neo-conservative who would have made fascists blush. And they're the same damn person?!?!?!?!?

My head hurts...

Anyway, couple Obama's less than impressive economic policy with a foreign policy that I would argue has been solid, but which will be distorted by the right on the following points:

• Not releasing Bin Laden's photo
• Not handling Iraq, Iran, Libya, Afghanistan, and the rest of the Middle East right
• Israeli lobby. Need I say more?
• Europe's deterioration as an ally
• The border (just wait; it'll be an issue again)
• The Russians
• The Chinese
  
• Damn near everybody short of the Canadians and Australians
  

... and you'll end up with an incumbent who, on paper, should be vulnerable. For my next trick, I'll show you if that's an actual reality.

Republicans

Straight from Politico.com's "Candidate Hub"

Tim Pawlenty - former governor of Minnesota

The Pros: He looks young, which will help him when he is contrasted to el presidente. Just tell John McCain this doesn't matter. Today he was in Washington, DC, at the Cato Institute giving a speech entitled "What Washington can learn from Minnesota." I bet he thinks that Washington can learn paw-lenty from Minnesota. Sorry, couldn't resist. Anyway, he also "tweeted" that we should remember that the 10th amendment still works, and that he would "block grant" medicaid funds to the states for their dispersal. Interestingly enough, I don't disagree with this statement. As for actual pros beyond his youthful look, he just released a book, which always helps, and he ran the state of Minnesota competently (from what I can tell) for two terms. Still, his big promise was to balance the budget, a task which he will tell you he accomplished

The Cons: ... and I regret to inform you he did not. Well, he did, in the short term. But he left the state $4.4 billion short for the next two years by rearranging things so that he could say he balanced the budget. Man, that changed from a pro to a con quick. He better hope Obama doesn't have anyone on his staff who can type his name into a google search. Also, he better hope Obama decides not to debate him. Because this man is, in the word's of a good Irishman I know, "a dry shite" That said, he's the odds on favorite to take the nomination because the two most likely nominees (Mike Huckabee and Mitch Daniels) decided that they would rather A) keep making half a million dollars from Fox (Huckabee) or B) not get divorced for a second time from the same lady (Daniels). What, too soon for the divorce jokes? Well, maybe if Daniels hadn't been such a train wreck for the state of Indiana I'd reconsider.

Sarah Palin - Former Governor of Alaska (briefly); Bristol's mother (famously); Alaskan Bear Hunter (I think ... Palin's Alaska, right?)

The Pros: As Jon Stewart can tell you, it's been a long few years since Dubya departed. Comedy works best when we have a fearless leader who specializes in unintentional comedy. Dubya did. Obama doesn't. Palin? Oh. My. Gawd. If somehow she decides to declare I will be forced to vote in the primaries this year, just on the wing and a prayer she gets the nomination. Then I will have to TIVO every comedy show every night. Sarah Palin is the very definition of unintentional comedy.

The Cons: Let's see ... train wreck as a VP candidate? Check. Left only term as Governor early for no clear reason, but we think it was to hawk a book and make money at Fox News? Check. Has a reality TV show? Check. Can't name one Supreme Court decision, even though she's a far right conservative who you'd think would be screaming out "ROE V WADE" in her sleep? Check. Let's just say that if Vegas was laying odds, I'd slam the line on "stays at Fox News, a la Huckabee." Although if the Republican primary produces someone semi-liberal, it's possible the "tea party" would beg her to run on their ticket. So we might win either way. Oh, her twitter account? "Tumultuous world gotcha' flummoxed? Divert w/tuning 2 unifying, sweet competition; Dancing w/the Stars TEAM BALLAS competes in finals tonite" That's an exact quote. She writes like she speaks.

- John Huntsman (former Ambassador to China for Obama)
- Ron Paul (last real libertarian left in the country; congressman from Tejas)
- John Bolton (crazy person ... that's his official title, right?)
- Rick Santorum (I got really excited for the 3.7 seconds I thought this was former CNN anchor Rick Sanchez ... the got sad. He's a former senator from Pennsylvania)
- Herman Cain (owner of Godfather's Pizza)
- Buddy Roemer (um... who?)
- Gary Johnson (Willie Nelson dropped his endorsement ... not a good sign)
- Chris Christie (Governor of New Jersey who probably couldn't even carry his own state)

I've lumped this group together because none of them are real candidates. But many of them will be entertaining between now and when they all fall out of the race. Which will be anywhere from next week to the South Carolina Primary. Except for Herman Cain and Ron Paul. I could totally see those two running it out to the very end, then sitting down for pizza and a beer.

Mitt Romney - Former Governor of Massachusetts; 2008 Republican Primary Candidate; Mormon

The Pros: the one candidate in this crowded, underwhelming field who could do what you have to do to win the election: run to the middle and win the independent vote. He has knowledge on business, on health care, and the experience of running a campaign before. He also has really, really awesome hair. Mitch Daniels might have pulled out of the race because he was intimidated by Romney's hair.

The Cons: Um ... he's a Mormon. Which I have absolutely no problem with, but unfortunately for Mitt, the vast majority of Republican Primary voters are hard core evangelical Christians. Which means they do have a problem with it. He's also just a tad bit on the slimy side, and he has the stink of getting dominated last time around by McCain to wear off. Let me paint you a picture: somehow the primary voters get it right, want to give Obama the biggest run for his money possible, and they nominate Mitt. The "Tea Party," up in arms over a "Massachusetts Liberal" who is a "no good Mormon" being the party nominee, convinces Sarah Palin to run for president, with our next "candidate" as her vice presidential nominee ... leading to the following vote break down: Obama 47% - Romney 44% - Palin 8% - Mickey Mouse .0043% - Nader .0000001%

Seem far fetched? It's not. Especially when you get that extra strong dose of crazy to be the VP nominee. America? Are you ready for some....

Michele Bachmann - Congresswoman from Minnesota; succubus; sane compared with anyone

The Pros: There are none. Just google search this nut job and be terrified that anyone would vote her into office. Adolph Hitler would look center left when compared with the "Bach-Man." Not even unintentionally funny; rather, I believe she is intentionally scary. Very scary. But the "Tea Party" followers adore her. Which makes me terrified of them.

The Cons: Again, just google search her. Just don't let your kids. They might never sleep again.

Newt Gingrich - hypocrite extraordinaire; last person to successfully shut down the government

The Pros: He's a household name which means it would be very easy for him to get the vote of the 80% of Americans who don't actually pay attention to who the candidates are. He also helped Clinton (eventually) to balance the budget. And his name is "Newt," which has to count for something, right?

The Cons: Besides his awful performance on Meet the Press last week, there is the fact that he is an intsy bit racist (calling Obama a "food stamp president,"), and the fact that he's a complete hypocrite. You know, pushing for the US government to spend millions upon millions of dollars trying to convict Clinton of, essentially, infidelity, when he was actively cheating on his wife at the same time ... then blaming it on how much he loves his country. Look out world: patriotism leads to adultery. Just ask Newt.

Rudy Giuliani - Former New York Mayor; 2008 front runner who blew his nomination

The Pros: a "liberal" republican who has name recognition due to 9/11. Also, I'm not sure you know this, but the ten year anniversary is coming up. Which has got to help him rebuild his brand. Also, he can't possibly allow himself to be a non-factor for the first month like he did last time, right?

The Cons: anyone who runs as bad of a campaign as he did in 2008 shouldn't be allowed to run again. Not competing until Florida essentially lost him the race before he began running. It was comical.


So friends, there you have it. The list. As I touched on above, only Romney stands a chance against Obama, because he'd be able to compete with him for the independent votes, hold his own in the debates, and has the best track record of all the republican candidates. That said, it's tough to imagine the republican electorate being smart enough to nominate him. Anyone else will get slammed, and even if they pick Romney the Palin/Bachmann "Tea Party" counter isn't far fetched. All things told, then, here are my handicapping for the Republican Nomination, as well as the general election at this time:

Republican Nomination:

- Pawlenty - 30%
- Romney - 20%
- Christie - 5%
- Huntsman - 5%
- Gingrich - 3%
- Guliani - 3%
- Santorum -3%
- Palin - 1.5%
- Paul - 1.25%
- Bachman -.25%
- Other's named above - 1%
- Dark Horse not yet named - 27%

That's right ... only Pawlenty has a better chance than the group that hasn't even decided to run yet. That's how bad this field is. I should also note that I put Christie third, after not even talking about him earlier, based entirely on my mother's prediction. There you go mom. I'll give your insight some validation.

As for the general election, my crystal ball tells me there are three possibilities:

Obama 52% - Pawlenty 46%
Obama 47% - Romney 44% - Tea Party 8%
Obama 54% - Random Republican Scrub 44%

I suppose that a Jeb Bush (the good Bush) or someone of that ilk could change things up. But at this point I've not read, seen, or heard any indication that Obama won't do this year what Clinton did in 1996: wipe the floor with his opponent.

Bulls - Heat: Why Ratings Matter

If you've watched the first four games of the Chicago Bulls - Miami Heat series, you've undoubtedly been struck with a number of thoughts. Here are some of mine:

1. I can't believe I jinxed my team again by doing another live blog.
2. I can't believe that the Miami Heat are going to be added to a list of champions I hate that has, since 2004, been updated to include the Chicago White Sox, St. Louis Cardinals, Indianapolis Colts, and Green Bay Packers (among a number of other unfortunate sports related occurrences).
3. Boy Miami is being allowed to play ultra physical with the Bulls (seen in their joy in going for blocks without fear of being called for the foul)
4. Boy Chicago sure is playing scared of physical play ... and when they do try to play physical, it's always a foul (or, as seen in last night's bogus flagrant one on Carlos Boozer, worse).
5. Does our coaching staff know how to draw up an offensive play?

As last night's game progressed I had a number of texts, emails, and calls pour in. I'll treat you to some of the best:

"God Chicago really doesn't like to build up big leads, huh?"

"Even I can see that the officials are favoring Miami, and I don't even follow the NBA"

"Chicago is playing scared, but I can't blame them. They aren't getting any calls going there way. It's crippled them."

"Miami must have ****** ******** every ref" (inappropriate for print, sent after a number of calls went Miami's way)

... "well, I guess not that ref" (after one call goes Chicago's way)

"Chicago should offer to pay all of Kurt Thomas' fines, then put him in the game"

"David Stern has a vested interest in having Miami in the finals. They will draw ratings. They will be the bad guys. There was never any way he was going to let them lose this series."

"LeBron took four steps before he hit that shot over Deng, and he shoved off. No call. That's how the Bulls die." (after LeBron's game-icing shot in overtime ... by the way, he did take four steps. It's so bad that the NBA didn't even put it in it's online highlights.)

So that group of comments, from a variety of people, will give you an idea of what people's thoughts are. After the Bulls won game one I told my dad to expect the officiating to swing heavily in Miami's favor, and he, of course, told me I was crazy. I was right, but in no way did I expect the officiating to swing this way for three consecutive games. It's insane to me to watch how much influence the league is allowing its officials to assert in these games. The NBA, above all other types of professional sports, actively involves itself with its product. From Patrick Ewing to the Knicks, to LeBron to Cleveland, to Cleveland getting the "make up" number one pick this year, it happens all the time.

The league also will intentionally change it's officiating expectations from game to game, trying to coax six or seven games out of a series that would otherwise be four or five games. It has always done this, and it does tend to add to the excitement. The league was better with Ewing in New York, and LeBron in Cleveland, and if two of the top four picks in this year's draft can help propel Cleveland back into semi-contention so they can compete against the Miami Heat ... well, then, all the better. But we've also seen (think Lakers over Kings) the league step in and consciously give all the breaks to the team that would draw the better ratings. This year that team is Miami. It's "not the Bulls turn." It's time for King James to ascend to his throne, because then the league is more interesting.

None of this is meant to excuse what has been poor play by Chicago thus far. They should have pushed the issue of the physicality much earlier, and much more prevalently. Kurt Thomas should have been put in, and LeBron and Wade should have been knocked down. Nothing dirty, nothing on the Bad Boys level, but just enough to let them know "this is our lane: you're not coming in here." The final play of regulation last night should have been set up this way: Rose up top, pick and roll from Boozer going right, Korver in the corner as the third option. Instead it ran this way: 6' tall Derrick Rose isolates and tries to shoot over 6'9" LeBron James. The ensuing air-ball was as predictable as the play call was terrible. The point is this: the Bulls were playing 8 on 5 all night and still nearly won.

Imagine what they might have done if the officiating hadn't preordained a Miami victory.

Game One: A Live Blog

"... Good God, that's Mike D's music!"

What better occasion to draw me out of silence and into blogging than the first Conference Finals game involving my beloved Chicago Bulls since Michael Jordan dispersed of Reggie Miller in 1998? I feel like I should be honoring everything 1990s right now, so I come to you live, from my house, with a Mountain Dew and Doritos in hand ... and a Michael Jordan Jersey on my back. And, since today is my lone off day before I ship off to Boston at the end of the week, I'll celebrate this pivotal game (is it possible for game one to be pivotal?) with a running blog of my observations. You can thank me later.

7:50 PM - Ernie, Chuck and Kenny are breaking down the Zombie Sonics' victory over Memphis earlier in the day. I went looking for my Supersonics hat earlier today and could not find it. It's likely that I'll have to excavate my old room at my parents house to find it, but I feel like I should at least locate it, although I don't know that I can root for the Zombies over the Mavs. I'm torn here: on the one hand, I loudly proclaimed before last year that Kevin Durant would be the best player of the generation (ahead of LeBron), and I would love to see him attain that title. Additionally, I proclaimed this year (after LeBron decided that he was created to be Riker to Wade's Jean-Luc) that Miami would not be the next powerhouse, but that OKC would take that mantel. So, out of a desire to see both those predictions validated, an OKC western conference title would make me feel good. Still ... it's the Mavericks. I have a Kidd jersey. I have a Mavs hat and Mashburn shirt (courtesy of my Uncle, years ago). And they have Dirk, who is fun to watch, and Cuban, who I wish would have bought the Cubs. I guess on the bright side, I can't really lose no matter who wins the Western Conference Finals. I can't say the same about the East...

7:54 PM - What a final four in the NBA! You have the villains (LeBron, Wade and Bosh ... and if you've forgotten why they are the villains, watch this again to see an intro that would make Vince McMahon blush), aiming to prove that teamwork, balance, and testicular fortitude are no longer precursors to winning in the NBA. You have the veteran team showing unexpected spunk, and playing for keeps (Dallas shocking the Lakers and ending Phil's reign). You have the young team we expected to make the jump (the Oklahoma City Zombies, who proved last year they were ready for the jump in their tough round one loss to Los Angeles). And then you have the young team nobody expected to make the jump this quick, my beloved Bulls. As this year kept on going and I became more and more impressed with the way they played as a team, and with the way which Derrick Rose carried himself. He is a deserving MVP, but we now have the rare situation where the four best players in the league are arguably on the four remaining teams. Exciting times indeed.

8:01 PM - Just had an interview with Joakim Noah, the penultimate "guy you love when he's on your team, but want to punch when he's not on your team." Trust me, when he played at Florida I wanted to punch him, and it wasn't as if I was totally against him. But now that he plays for my team, I love him. He's like Rodman, only sane and not into cross-dressing.

8:03PM - Anyway, back to my previous comment regarding the four best players in the league remaining, I'd break my MVP vote down this way for this season:

1. Derrick Rose - nobody expected him, nor his team, to make the jump this year, and they ended up with the best record in the league. After the Bulls knocked out the Hawks in the second round we heard Rose responding to Larry Drew (Hawks coach) as Drew offered encouragement. What did he say? "Yes Sir, thank you Sir." Um ... this is the NBA we're talking about right? I can't even get the high school kids I coach to say thank you sir to the officials consistently. Again, I was wrong, John Paxson was right.
   
2. Dirk Nowitzki - look up Dallas' record with him before his injury, then after he recovered. They would have been the number one overall seed in the NBA without his injury.
   
3. D Wade - He was the clutch member of the team, and, of course, he orchestrated everyone coming to Miami. So he also should be executive of the year.
   
4. Durant - best scorer in the league, most complete offensive game since Bird (combining inside, outside, everything).
   

8:07PM - And now the game. Bulls open sloppy, and are allowing Miami lots of second chance points. James already has a dunk, and the Bulls have allowed 4 points off of turnovers, as well as 2 points off of an offensive rebound. Rose has five to counter, but the Bulls cannot turn the ball over if they want to win.

8:08 PM - Great job getting the ball inside to Noah, who finishes with a baby hook. Miami comes back with a deep three by Bibby ... not the shot they want, but the shot we want. Bulls weathered the first storm, let's see how Miami does in the halfcourt set.

8:10PM - Bosh draws the foul and makes the shot. Bruce always taught us: if you're going to foul, make damn sure they don't make shot as well. Noah should keep that in mind. Miami 9, Chicago 7.

8:13PM - Carlos Boozer may very well be the x-factor in this series. If he plays like an all-star the Bulls can win, but if he plays like he did for much of the first two rounds the Bulls won't stand a chance. They go to him early tonight, and we'll see how he responds. Mr. Rose has another turnover, and I start to get antsy. Terrible call giving LeBron continuation when he was fouled three steps earlier. Glad to see the officials still don't know how to call a game. Oh, by the way, that was off of yet another Rose turnover.

8:15PM - Boozer scores off a nice pass. He had to use high glass, but didn't get blocked. Baby steps. Wade responds by drawing a foul on Bogans. The Bulls might end up regretting going with the Bogans, Brewer, Korver poo-poo platter instead of making the move for Ray Allen during free agency or O.J. Mayo before the trade deadline. Heat by four. Brewer in.

8:17PM - Awful shot by Deng ... he's been quiet so far, and he can't be. We have our first time out with the Heat up four. It's actually a minor miracle we are only down four when we've turned the ball over half a dozen times already. Thibs better get on the boys during this stoppage of play. We are playing their game, not ours.

8:18PM - My father told me he thought tonight's winner would be the team to take the series. I told him that I felt Miami would win the series, based entirely on me being pessimistic and not having had anything good happen for one of my teams since 1998. Also known as A.J. (after Jordan). We return to play with Craig Sager sporting yet another hideous coat, and with Bruce Springsteen's "Born to Run" playing in the United Center. Bosh hits a set shot, and Miami increases its' lead. Noah misses on the other side, then picks LeBron's pocket, then Miami stops the Bulls, then scores.

8:21PM - The Bulls are down eight, and are playing super sloppy. Miami is +6 on rebounds right now, but Noah gets an offensive board and kicks it to Deng who hits his shot. Noah goes to the line after drawing a foul on James. As a side note, somewhere along the line I went from loathing Marv Albert to not minding him at all. It's also comforting to have Steve Kerr calling the game ... it's like having a secret agent. Maybe we can get him to come out of retirement to hit a shot since the rest of our team doesn't appear interested in hitting any. Timeout, Miami.

8:24PM - Smitty has returned to the man-cave, and sticking with our 90s motif he has busted out his own Mt. Dew. Indiana weather, as usual, sucks. Rainy and cold all day. It's not like it's mid-May or anything. Miami comes out of a timeout with a shot by Bibby, who hits another shot. When did Bibby's corpse begin playing basketball again? Rose responds, the Wade responds. Kerr tells us that Miami has gone small, playing LeBron at the 4. The Bulls put Taj Gibson in for Boozer.

8:28PM - LeBron picks up foul two, complains to the ref, then gets pulled from the game. Erik Spoelstra has a classic "punch me" face ... Smitty points out he also always looks confused. Steve Kerr "Erik Spoelstra has really shown his hand early." Kerr is pointing this out in regards to him going small. Meanwhile, Wade blatantly double dribbles, which of course the referees don't call. The one thing that always makes me hesitant to care about the NBA is the corrupt nature of the officiating. If you make it through one game without the feeling that the refs are trying to throw it one way or another it's a miracle. Honestly, it is beyond me how they can be this bad, and still be considered professionals.

8:34PM - Michael Jordan + Hitler Mustache = successful commercial (in the minds of some Haynes executive). I'm still fascinated with how this went down. Did Jordan show up with a Hitler 'stache unknowingly? Did he lose a bet and have to do it? Did he do it intentionally to see if someone would stop him? I feel like I'm missing out by not knowing.

8:36PM - Watson to Gibson for two, and the Bulls are down one. Bulls go to the reserves, with all starters except for Deng out. A coach Thibs staple. Watson next leaves a runner short. Ugh. HUGE DUNK by Taj Gibson, drawing a foul on Wade. Remember: Taj Gibson is a rich-man's Carlos Boozer. I honestly think he's better than Boozer. What's scary is there aren't many people who want to argue the point.

8:39PM - When Wade pump fakes you have to stay home... Gibson didn't stay home. Wade goes to the line and give Miami the lead back. I've got to say, I'm a big fan of letting the reserves get a rhythm, and it'll be interesting to see how long Thibs can let the reserves go. Gibson another nice bucket off a nice pass from Deng. Korver comes in for Deng now, and now we have all backups in. This is high risk.

8:42PM - Omar Asik scores inside and draws the foul. I like him by the way. TV timeout. The fact that the Bulls withstood the early storm, their own turnovers, and begin out rebounded early and are now tied with Miami bodes well for this game.

8:44PM - Bulls have their first lead at 30 - 29. LeBron has checked back in, and Wade has checked out. Yet another Bulls turnover. On the bright side the Bulls bench has 12 points already. Miami gets away with an offensive goal tending. Korver misses off a screen, and then the Bulls turn it over again. Boozer and Rose come back in with 7:12 left in the second. Miami has six on the court, but doesn't get the technical. What the hell?

8:49PM - Miami up four, following a defensive 3 second call on the Bulss. Kerr with a good explanation of the rule. Kerr also agrees with me that Heat should have had a technical for the 6 on the court. The officials literally just gave Miami points. Big 3 from the corner for Deng. Bulls are not boxing out well; another second chance 2 for Bosh. Timeout with five minutes left.

8:52PM - Bulls open up with another turnover. I don't know how many we have, but it's got to be close to ten already. Big put back by Boozer after a Noah miss. So far we've seen Chicago play decent defense, but we are getting drawn off on pump fakes a stupid amount of times. LeBron goes to the line again. The crowd in Chicago is quite lively ... making me proud. Rose hits a jumper ... terrible foul call on Korver. LeBron pushes off and it's a foul on Korver?

8:57PM - Deng is playing great right now, and the Bulls tie it on a Noah put back. Deng will need to be Pippen to Rose's Jordan if the Bulls are going to win this series. Carrying that analogy to its' end, we have the following:

• Rose = Jordan
• Deng = Pippen
• Noah = Rodman
• Bogans = Harper
• Boozer = Longley?
  

9:01PM - Miami ball, 42 all. Bulls are playing good help defense, but we have got to stop jumping on pump fakes. Boozer has another finish. Is Taj Gibson wearing a Boozer jersey? I'm confused by his play thus far; he looks like he has lift in his jump again. Here's to hoping this continues.

9:04PM - HUGE turnover by Noah. The Bulls are making Bosh look like he's worth the money. That's the first time that has happened this year. The Noah turnover ended up being a six point swing. That's awful. Rose only shooting jumpers has led to him getting only two free throw attempts today. He's going to need to get to the line much more than that. Three fouls on Bosh is promising, but LeBron "shockingly" has been allowed to play every bit as physical without getting his third foul. Deng hits two free throws. Miami calls a timeout with 18.1 seconds left in the half to draw up the last shot.

9:08PM - James hits a shot with five seconds left, and the bulls get a chance to respond, but Rose barely has a handle on it. Tied at the half. Lovely. This halftime break will be sponsored by the Subway on my corner, which I will now walk to and get a footlong spicy Italian. Subway. Eat Fresh.

9:35PM - And ... we're back. With a stomach full of Subway. Noah pads his stats with a rebound and put back. Bulls lead by one after four minutes have passed in the third. I can't believe that we've allowed Bosh to score 21 tonight. Weak defensive performance inside. James hits an MJ-like fade away. Kareem's sky-hook, MJ's fade, Hakeem's dream shake ... the most difficult to defend shots of my lifetime.

9:40PM - Marv, Kerr and Miller are having a long discussion about LeBron and Wade signing with Chicago this summer and how "close" it was. Meanwhile, Keith Bogans hits a corner three, putting the Bulls up five. Rose takes a hard fall after missing a fast break layup. Noah ran the fast break by the way. Like he dribbled it up. Impressive. Rose hits both his free throws.

9:42PM - Time out by Miami. Erik Spolestra would like you to know Miami's players care about this game. They are all crying in the huddle right now. Crying ok? That's how much this means to them. In other news, I have a major issue with Hyundai "guaranteeing" a set resale price for their cars. Since when is fixing prices a part of a capitalist society?

9:45PM - I think WGU Indiana, an online "college," is actually "Mitch Daniels University." Which means you will be taught in the fine arts of "outsourcing highway management so that the roads are not maintained and the state does not experience the profit you promise," "cutting all critical social services below the federal reimbursement level, then skim that difference off the top," and "see how much profit you can turn for the state while screwing over everyone else." In other news, a Mitch Daniels nomination for president would have Obama tap dancing with joy.

9:48PM - The Bulls have quietly extended their lead to nine, while the officials decide that it has been too much of a good thing for the Bulls, so they call a foul on Deng which replays clearly show was not a foul. Keith Bogans then shoots, and misses again. Deng makes it up by forcing the ball off LeBron's foot. No foul there Tim Donaghy?

9:50PM - Why is Keith Bogans shooting so much? Three possessions out of five have been Bogans misses. Great defense on James by Gibson, then Rose and Wade exchange baskets. Bulls by six.

9:53PM - Deng with a big three, then more tough D on James, while Wade also gets shut down. This current group (Brewer, Deng, Rose, Noah, Gibson) is very long, and contests shots well. I like it. A lot. Miami has 7.3 seconds left in the quarter, and Wade goes to the bench.

9:56PM - I hate the Sager interviews at the start of the quarters. You miss the first play every time. Couldn't we do them audio only? Thibs needs to get Rose a break here early in the fourth. Asik is in for Noah.

10:00PM - Two big plays in a row by Asik just challenging the shots. And then he dunks it and draws the foul. LeBron answers with a 3. Watson in for Rose. This is a big sequence, and Deng follows his shot. The Bulls are doing great on the offensive glass, this half in particular. It's heartening to see that they have reestablished themselves there. Big steal by Brewer who will get two shots plus the ball.

10:03PM - The Bulls are now up 12, and they have pulled it back up again with the bench players out on the court. Wade, Bosh and James are back in for Miami. Brewer dunks it; Bulls up 14, and Miami calls a quick time out. This has been the Bulls M.O. all year: the bench gets it done. If they can finish this out over the last nine minutes this would be an unbelievably huge first game. Right now the Bulls look like they are on a different plane. They have the look of a team that loves playing together and doesn't care who gets it done, just that it gets done. Miami, conversely, looks quite disheveled.

10:06PM - Spolestra "if you are real about winning this game." Not good if the coach doesn't know if his team is real about winning a game. Somehow the Bulls keep getting 7'1" Omar Asik switched onto James, and he keeps James in front. big three by Watson. Bosh responds with an "and one."

10:10PM - Rose and Noah back in ... Deng gets a three to roll in. It's nice when the ball bounces your way. James kicks to Chalmers to respond for 3. Smitty observes "if they (Chicago) can grind teams down like this they are going to win." It's a good observation, because this game has gone that way. The first half Chicago didn't play great, but held close. Their bench closed the gap to allow them to keep the game close, and then pull ahead. Boozer back in, Bulls by 14 with 6:30 left.

10:11PM - following a turnover by Boozer Miami cuts the lead to 12. Rose responds on cue. Bosh is fouled inside, and there is a TV timeout.

10:14PM - We return to the game with the score Chicago 90 - Miami 76. There is 5:35 left in the quarter, with Bosh at the line. The Bulls are 9 of 19 from 3. That won't hold through the entire series, but Rose won't be this ineffective at getting to the line either, so it should balance out. Bosh makes both free throws. James just complained and got a call changed from a foul on him to a foul on Chalmers. Cute.

10:18PM - Boozer has 14 points and 9 rebounds. We'd take that every game. Gibson will check in for defensive purposes, but Boozer has had a solid game thus far. Bosh is at the line again, and he cuts the Bulls lead to 12.

10:20PM - Korver knocks down a timely three to extend the lead to fifteen. It's great to see him hit a shot; that will be important as the series progresses. Wade responds by tossing the ball to Deng. The fans get loud; they can feel it. D-Rose to the hoop. Bulls by 17.

10:22PM - Trailer for the new Cameron Diaz movie has the following dialogue:

"LeBron will never be Jordan, call me when he has six titles"
"Is that your only argument?"
"IT'S THE ONLY ARGUMENT I NEED!!!"

...

...

Amen

10:24PM - Under four minutes now, and Noah is showing some fire. Miami is running a slow offense, conceding the game. Udonis Haslem is in to get some garbage minutes. 21 for Deng, with great defense, passing and rebounding. Pippen-esqe if you ask me. Time to pull the starters; Bulls up 19 with 2:14 left. Thibs begins pulling on cue. Rose is out; all the starters follow.

10:30PM - The crowd is chanting "over-rated" at Miami. Even Ronnie Brewer is knocking down jumpers. The Bulls have gone on a 44-22 run to end this game. Emphatic dunk by the Rich Man's Carlos Boozer: Taj Gibson. Emphatic win by the Bulls. Even Reggie Miller says "I have been to the mountain top." One down. Three more to go. Class on Wednesday will hold me back a bit, but I think I'll be able to see it. The Mad House on Madison is back baby. I'm smiling about as much as you can.

Colbert

Please watch this .... no comment, just passing it along. I haven't laughed this long in quite some time.

The Colbert Report
Tags: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

Breaking Down ... The Bulls?

When I'm wrong I like to say that I'm wrong. It looks like I might have been wrong in imploring the Bears to trade for Jay Cutler, although the jury is still debating that one. I was wrong in my belief that poor drafts, plus underachieving regular seasons, would lead the Bears to force Angelo and Lovie to finish their contracts before an extension; I guess that we just couldn't risk the Toronto Argonauts stealing them away to the CFL. I was wrong, years ago, in bemoaning Leonardo Dicaprio as an overrated actor; in recent years he has been a part of many good movies, many driven by his ability.

Still, I'm hard pressed to think of anything I've been more wrong about than my stated opinion on who the Bulls should take with the first pick in the 2008 NBA Draft. Looking at our backcourt, which at the time featured Kirk Hinrich and Ben Gordon, I claimed loudly that the Bulls would be fools to take Rose, when Michael Beasley would give them the low post presence they needed. I am so glad that the Bulls were right and I was wrong.

Derrick Rose is incredible, and he, in only his third season in the league, has established himself as a top five talent in the league. If I were to compile a list of the top ten players in the league, right now, the list would look like this:

10. Chris Paul
9. Carmelo Anthony
8. Deron Williams
7. Dwayne Wade
6. Dirk Nowitzki
5. Dwight Howard
4. Kobe Bryant
3. Derrick Rose
2. Kevin Durant
1. LeBron James


You could argue that Howard should be a bit higher, or that Kobe should be, but with Kobe's age and Howard's very real limits on his game (poor shooter beyond 8 feet, poor free throw shooter, focus on self rather than team) I would argue that only James and Durant are more valuable than Rose right now. Incidentally, I would have to expand this list to about 100 to include Michael Beasley on it. That's how wrong I was.

And so, here we are. It's April, and the Bulls matter again. Not in the "maybe they'll shock someone in round one" way that they have been in the handful of playoff appearances since Jerry broke up the band in 1998. No, here we are, April 2nd, and the Bulls:

- Have a 2.5 game lead on Miami, and a 3 game lead on Boston for the number one seed in the Eastern Conference.
- Have swept the season series with the Miami Heat, and have a record of going toe to toe with Boston, dating back to previous seasons.
- Are, miraculously, only one game behind the San Antonio Spurs in the loss column, and are tied with the Lakers in the loss column, for the best record in the NBA (and, by extension, home court advantage in the NBA Finals).

But are these Bulls real? They are certainly the beneficiary of an extremely weak division, against which they are 14 and 1. They blew the chance of a perfect record against the Central Division the other night against their likely first round opponent: the Indianapolis Pacers. The Pacers, at 35-42, are the next best team in the division. The Bucks have continued the trend of tuning out Scott Skiles after a year or two. Detroit has literally walked out on their coach, and Cleveland ... well this happened to the Cavs. So, to be perfectly honest, the Bulls have had an easy run against their own division. But they have also played extremely well against their own conference. If you take their 14-1 record in division away, they are 19-12 against the rest of the conference, which includes the second through seventh best teams in the conference. The Bulls play insanely well at home (32-5 thus far) but are also above .500 (23-15) on the road. In the playoffs, if you can win even one road game you make it very difficult for your opponent to win the series, especially if you have home court advantage, which the Bulls, barring an epic an unexpected collapse, will have.

So, breaking it down according to record, the Bulls are the real deal. They are also the second toughest defense in the league; Boston allows 90.9 points per game, while the Bulls allow 91.2 points per game. They are middle of the pack in offense, scoring 98.5 points per game, but they are tied with Miami for the best point differential in the entire league, at +7.2 according to ESPN.com.

But the best aspect of this team, perhaps, is the way they play as a team. It's something that numbers cannot quantify, but a veteran basketball fan can easily identify by watching. You can tell this team loves playing together, and they do it well. They play excellent team defense, communicating and helping out ... and swarming the loose balls. They make the extra pass for the easy basket, and they support one another from the top down. That pace is set by Derrick Rose, who has bought in to Tom Thibodeau's system 100%. All too often, in the NBA, when you see a coach call a timeout you see the "stars" not buying in to the message, and to the lessons. That doesn't happen with Rose. He listens, then executes. Joakim Noah (who I loved to hate at Florida, and is one of the ultimate "guys you want on your team, but would hate on another team") is the energy, defense first big man that every team needs ... only he can pass and run the court. Carlos Boozer gives the team that low post presence that can help the 2nd unit to expand on leads when he stays in with them and is the focus of the offense. Luol Deng has been reinvented in his true position: the number three man, a swing man who can dominate on both ends of the floor ... and can hit a big shot if need be. The bench is full of role players who far surpass most of the bench players from the Jordan years: Taj Gibson and Omar Asik give inside toughness, as does the ageless Kurt Thomas. CJ Watson, Ronnie Brewer, and Kyle Korver all fill their roles. If their is one flaw in this team it is the lack of a starting 2 guard who can take over as a creator, but Rose makes that almost a moot point with his play.

So, can this team actually do it? It's tough to say, especially if, like me, you believe in "experience" being a big part of winning. But we just saw an inexperienced Green Bay team beat a very experienced Pittsburgh team. The NBA seems to be the last stronghold for experience: LeBron couldn't topple Boston, and the Lakers and Spurs have had a stranglehold on the league since 1999 (9 championships combined during that period). But, so long as the Bulls hold on to the number one seed, they have a huge advantage in playing the Pacers, rather than the 76ers or Knicks, and then they get a tough Orlando team in round two (or Atlanta, if the Hawks shock the Magic), while Boston and Miami presumably are beating each other up. The Bulls would then have home court ... and fresher legs ... to face the survivor of a Heat - Celtics brawl. I can easily see the Bulls making the finals given those circumstances. Could they then beat the Lakers (who, in my opinion, are the heavy favorites not only to win the west, but also to win it all)? Probably not. This Lakers team has turned it on in a way that is reminiscent of the Bulls teams of Jordan's era. They just don't want to lose, and they want to destroy you. But if the Bulls get that far, all bets are off. They wouldn't have anyone to guard Kobe, and they would be undersized against the Lakers huge front line. But the Lakers have nobody who can keep up with Rose either. And even if the Lakers were to win, the Bulls would have the additional experience for next year ... when they will be even better.

Yes, it's safe to say, it's fun to be a Bulls fan again. Even Michael Jordan thinks so.

April Fool's Day

I could go on for thousands of words trying to sum up the feelings of yet another opening day, but ultimately I'd fall short. People who root for other teams don't understand what it's like to bleed Cubbie Blue, nor the religious experience it is to walk into Wrigley Field and imagine, just for a moment, what it will be like that magical day when the drought is over, the curse is broken, and the Cubs win it all. I haven't been able to find one pundit, one expert who thinks this year will end any differently than the last 102 for my Cubs. But something, right now, tells me the experts are wrong. Their is talent on this team, starting first and foremost with a pitching staff that may not have Holiday, Lee, Oswalt and Hamels ... but does have four pitchers who can win 15+, and a young man with plenty of potential in Andrew Cashner. Hitting in the NL, Carlos Pena can easily hit .250 ... with 40 home runs. We have young talent. And it's been quite awhile since we could say that. Plus, Kerry Wood is back in town, which always warms my heart. For today, I believe. I know it's possible that we could outlast the Cards, beat up as they are, and the Brewers, inconsistent as they are ... and the Reds, because Dusty will ruin that pitching staff too. As they said on Bleacher Nation: today I choose to be an April fool. As always, nothing sums up the experience of being a Cubs fan quite like Eddie Vedder's anthem. The team in the video is outdated by a few years, but the sentiment is eternal.

I believe. Do you?

Take A Look Around

Bill Simmons wrote his weekly article in the hypothetical today (check it out here). In doing so, he more or less openly questioned the sanity of the NFL ownership, who seemed to have been in a power position only weeks ago, but now seems to be losing public credibility by the fistful. In a similar sense, I was having a conversation the other night in which I was lambasted for questioning the direction everything (not just sports) was going in.

It seems to me that so much is hanging by a thread, and that the future is more uncertain now for a large portion of this world's population than ever before. The Middle East is in a great deal of turmoil, from Libya, to Egypt, to, all too quietly, Iran. The entire region seems to be ready to burst, and this time it doesn't have to do with a US invasion of a neighboring country. We are (mostly) out of Iraq. We are focusing on an endgame in Afghanistan. Even the Saudis can't ignore the reality that this wave of fervor across the region might lead to massive upheaval. Of course, even in the ivory tower that is the USA we see this upheaval, and it impacts those who have least the most. Gasoline costs soar, daily it seems, in this country, making travel cost prohibitive at a time when people are traveling further to go to work than any time before, due to the lack of jobs. I remember going to Los Angeles in 2004, driving through the desert east of LA, and having to stop for gas at the oasis there. The price of gas was north of $3.00 a gallon there, a price I couldn't comprehend. Now, it's everywhere, and all because the region has been lost.

I'd have to write a book to accurately take you back through the blunders which compounded upon each other to lead us here, to a time where the Middle East was out of control, and that our economy seemed inexorably tied to that out of control train. I may have the time to do so at some point, but for now it becomes obvious: too many dictators backed, too many revolutions thrown down, too many countries invaded for less than compelling reasons, and too much support for an Israeli regime that has made a living being too similar in its' actions to the very dictatorships in the region that threaten it. Still, perhaps this was inevitable. Perhaps we were always heading here, to a point where our options seem to be: fundamentally change our approach and expectations, or continue allowing the rich to get richer, the poor to stagnate, and the backbone of this country to fall apart.

At times it is really difficult to imagine a palatable outcome to the situation which engulfs us. Optimism borders dangerously on being out of touch with reality at times like this. The NFL, NBA, and MLB labor situations are a microcosm of this bigger stage. The NFL owners, for one, don't feel that being worth billions of dollars is enough. They want more, and they are willing to raze their very economic playground to accomplish it. They don't care about anything but the ever increasing bottom line. Same thing for the NBA, only the NBA doesn't make as much money as the NFL. MLB has quietly flown under the radar, with their labor deal set to expire in December. Maybe it's time to try something radical, and to set a price limit on professional sports. Perhaps it's time to allow socialist thinking into the way we regulate sports. This is capitalism run amok. Why stop with billions of dollars of profit, when you can push further and continue to make this situation even more ludicrous than it already is?