Okay, so this is a lyric from the legendary musical "Jesus Christ Superstar," but it also has relevance when connected with my shocking silence on the 2012 presidential race. Do you realize it's only seventeen months before the election? I haven't told you what's going to happen yet! You won't know who to vote for if you want to vote for a winner! Ah!!!!!
...
....
............. don't worry friends. I'm here to help you. In fact, let's break down the candidates, as they stand right now. You can thank me later.
Democrats
Barack Obama (incumbent ... in case you've been in a coma since election night 2008)
The Pros: he's the incumbent, although as Jimmy Carter famously showed us in 1980, that doesn't stop your own party from trying to off you. So the fact that Obama looks strong enough to avoid the ghost of Ted Kennedy trying to usurp him is a good start. Beyond that, the economy appears to be slowly, but steadily improving. We won in Iraq (kind of). We are winning in Afghanistan (I think). We finally put Osama bin Laden in check mate (unless you believe the same people who believe Obama isn't an American citizen ... in which case I can't help you). The biggest advantage our current president has is that he is, well, presidential. That only matters when you look at the field of people who will be challenging him ... but trust me, it will matter in this race. His last poll numbers indicated that 30% of Americans will absolutely vote for him, 38% will absolutely not vote for him, and the rest are up in the air. While it is always true that a good number of these "undecided" folks just like to pretend they are undecided, and in fact already know they will or won't vote for Barack (cut to my father silently nodding), it still is interesting information.
The Cons: Where to start? How about with the fact that his economic policy is virtually identical to Dubya's in every way. Don't believe me? Look at this list:
- Keep taxes down in a way which helps the rich disproportionally - CHECK
- Bail out any and every corrupt or poorly run business which is going under - CHECK
- Pass massive healthcare legislation without cutting elsewhere (Bush's prescription drug benefit, Obama's Obamacare, which would have been better if it was actually Obamacare and not so much the Pelosicare that it turned out to be) - BIG **** CHECK
- Look the other way while our national debt skyrockets - CHECK
- Ignore the fact that our welfare system is broken - CHECK
My head hurts...
Anyway, couple Obama's less than impressive economic policy with a foreign policy that I would argue has been solid, but which will be distorted by the right on the following points:
- Not releasing Bin Laden's photo
- Not handling Iraq, Iran, Libya, Afghanistan, and the rest of the Middle East right
- Israeli lobby. Need I say more?
- Europe's deterioration as an ally
- The border (just wait; it'll be an issue again)
- The Russians
- The Chinese
- Damn near everybody short of the Canadians and Australians
Republicans
Straight from Politico.com's "Candidate Hub"
Tim Pawlenty - former governor of Minnesota
The Pros: He looks young, which will help him when he is contrasted to el presidente. Just tell John McCain this doesn't matter. Today he was in Washington, DC, at the Cato Institute giving a speech entitled "What Washington can learn from Minnesota." I bet he thinks that Washington can learn paw-lenty from Minnesota. Sorry, couldn't resist. Anyway, he also "tweeted" that we should remember that the 10th amendment still works, and that he would "block grant" medicaid funds to the states for their dispersal. Interestingly enough, I don't disagree with this statement. As for actual pros beyond his youthful look, he just released a book, which always helps, and he ran the state of Minnesota competently (from what I can tell) for two terms. Still, his big promise was to balance the budget, a task which he will tell you he accomplished
The Cons: ... and I regret to inform you he did not. Well, he did, in the short term. But he left the state $4.4 billion short for the next two years by rearranging things so that he could say he balanced the budget. Man, that changed from a pro to a con quick. He better hope Obama doesn't have anyone on his staff who can type his name into a google search. Also, he better hope Obama decides not to debate him. Because this man is, in the word's of a good Irishman I know, "a dry shite" That said, he's the odds on favorite to take the nomination because the two most likely nominees (Mike Huckabee and Mitch Daniels) decided that they would rather A) keep making half a million dollars from Fox (Huckabee) or B) not get divorced for a second time from the same lady (Daniels). What, too soon for the divorce jokes? Well, maybe if Daniels hadn't been such a train wreck for the state of Indiana I'd reconsider.
Sarah Palin - Former Governor of Alaska (briefly); Bristol's mother (famously); Alaskan Bear Hunter (I think ... Palin's Alaska, right?)
The Pros: As Jon Stewart can tell you, it's been a long few years since Dubya departed. Comedy works best when we have a fearless leader who specializes in unintentional comedy. Dubya did. Obama doesn't. Palin? Oh. My. Gawd. If somehow she decides to declare I will be forced to vote in the primaries this year, just on the wing and a prayer she gets the nomination. Then I will have to TIVO every comedy show every night. Sarah Palin is the very definition of unintentional comedy.
The Cons: Let's see ... train wreck as a VP candidate? Check. Left only term as Governor early for no clear reason, but we think it was to hawk a book and make money at Fox News? Check. Has a reality TV show? Check. Can't name one Supreme Court decision, even though she's a far right conservative who you'd think would be screaming out "ROE V WADE" in her sleep? Check. Let's just say that if Vegas was laying odds, I'd slam the line on "stays at Fox News, a la Huckabee." Although if the Republican primary produces someone semi-liberal, it's possible the "tea party" would beg her to run on their ticket. So we might win either way. Oh, her twitter account? "Tumultuous world gotcha' flummoxed? Divert w/tuning 2 unifying, sweet competition; Dancing w/the Stars TEAM BALLAS competes in finals tonite" That's an exact quote. She writes like she speaks.
- John Huntsman (former Ambassador to China for Obama)
- Ron Paul (last real libertarian left in the country; congressman from Tejas)
- John Bolton (crazy person ... that's his official title, right?)
- Rick Santorum (I got really excited for the 3.7 seconds I thought this was former CNN anchor Rick Sanchez ... the got sad. He's a former senator from Pennsylvania)
- Herman Cain (owner of Godfather's Pizza)
- Buddy Roemer (um... who?)
- Gary Johnson (Willie Nelson dropped his endorsement ... not a good sign)
- Chris Christie (Governor of New Jersey who probably couldn't even carry his own state)
I've lumped this group together because none of them are real candidates. But many of them will be entertaining between now and when they all fall out of the race. Which will be anywhere from next week to the South Carolina Primary. Except for Herman Cain and Ron Paul. I could totally see those two running it out to the very end, then sitting down for pizza and a beer.
Mitt Romney - Former Governor of Massachusetts; 2008 Republican Primary Candidate; Mormon
The Pros: the one candidate in this crowded, underwhelming field who could do what you have to do to win the election: run to the middle and win the independent vote. He has knowledge on business, on health care, and the experience of running a campaign before. He also has really, really awesome hair. Mitch Daniels might have pulled out of the race because he was intimidated by Romney's hair.
The Cons: Um ... he's a Mormon. Which I have absolutely no problem with, but unfortunately for Mitt, the vast majority of Republican Primary voters are hard core evangelical Christians. Which means they do have a problem with it. He's also just a tad bit on the slimy side, and he has the stink of getting dominated last time around by McCain to wear off. Let me paint you a picture: somehow the primary voters get it right, want to give Obama the biggest run for his money possible, and they nominate Mitt. The "Tea Party," up in arms over a "Massachusetts Liberal" who is a "no good Mormon" being the party nominee, convinces Sarah Palin to run for president, with our next "candidate" as her vice presidential nominee ... leading to the following vote break down: Obama 47% - Romney 44% - Palin 8% - Mickey Mouse .0043% - Nader .0000001%
Seem far fetched? It's not. Especially when you get that extra strong dose of crazy to be the VP nominee. America? Are you ready for some....
Michele Bachmann - Congresswoman from Minnesota; succubus; sane compared with anyone
The Pros: There are none. Just google search this nut job and be terrified that anyone would vote her into office. Adolph Hitler would look center left when compared with the "Bach-Man." Not even unintentionally funny; rather, I believe she is intentionally scary. Very scary. But the "Tea Party" followers adore her. Which makes me terrified of them.
The Cons: Again, just google search her. Just don't let your kids. They might never sleep again.
Newt Gingrich - hypocrite extraordinaire; last person to successfully shut down the government
The Pros: He's a household name which means it would be very easy for him to get the vote of the 80% of Americans who don't actually pay attention to who the candidates are. He also helped Clinton (eventually) to balance the budget. And his name is "Newt," which has to count for something, right?
The Cons: Besides his awful performance on Meet the Press last week, there is the fact that he is an intsy bit racist (calling Obama a "food stamp president,"), and the fact that he's a complete hypocrite. You know, pushing for the US government to spend millions upon millions of dollars trying to convict Clinton of, essentially, infidelity, when he was actively cheating on his wife at the same time ... then blaming it on how much he loves his country. Look out world: patriotism leads to adultery. Just ask Newt.
Rudy Giuliani - Former New York Mayor; 2008 front runner who blew his nomination
The Pros: a "liberal" republican who has name recognition due to 9/11. Also, I'm not sure you know this, but the ten year anniversary is coming up. Which has got to help him rebuild his brand. Also, he can't possibly allow himself to be a non-factor for the first month like he did last time, right?
The Cons: anyone who runs as bad of a campaign as he did in 2008 shouldn't be allowed to run again. Not competing until Florida essentially lost him the race before he began running. It was comical.
So friends, there you have it. The list. As I touched on above, only Romney stands a chance against Obama, because he'd be able to compete with him for the independent votes, hold his own in the debates, and has the best track record of all the republican candidates. That said, it's tough to imagine the republican electorate being smart enough to nominate him. Anyone else will get slammed, and even if they pick Romney the Palin/Bachmann "Tea Party" counter isn't far fetched. All things told, then, here are my handicapping for the Republican Nomination, as well as the general election at this time:
Republican Nomination:
- Pawlenty - 30%
- Romney - 20%
- Christie - 5%
- Huntsman - 5%
- Gingrich - 3%
- Guliani - 3%
- Santorum -3%
- Palin - 1.5%
- Paul - 1.25%
- Bachman -.25%
- Other's named above - 1%
- Dark Horse not yet named - 27%
That's right ... only Pawlenty has a better chance than the group that hasn't even decided to run yet. That's how bad this field is. I should also note that I put Christie third, after not even talking about him earlier, based entirely on my mother's prediction. There you go mom. I'll give your insight some validation.
As for the general election, my crystal ball tells me there are three possibilities:
Obama 52% - Pawlenty 46%
Obama 47% - Romney 44% - Tea Party 8%
Obama 54% - Random Republican Scrub 44%
I suppose that a Jeb Bush (the good Bush) or someone of that ilk could change things up. But at this point I've not read, seen, or heard any indication that Obama won't do this year what Clinton did in 1996: wipe the floor with his opponent.
No comments:
Post a Comment