Why I Don't Write Anymore - Shades of Grey

I've been thinking about this blog post for sometime, but haven't actually had the opportunity to sit down and write it. I have written on this blog exactly once since 11/16/13, and that post, in early 2015, was part book review and ode to Billy Joel. So as I continued to ponder writing this post, making some type of return to blogging, and pondered these things, it seemed correct that my thoughts came back to a Billy Joel Song.

I've thought quite a bit in the last three years about blogging, and why I stopped doing it. I genuinely enjoy the process of blogging. It is something that brings me a sense of accomplishment, it preserves my thoughts in the off chance that someone else wants to know them, and it gives me the chance to work through things in a structured way. So why did I stop? Why only one post in 34 months?

The easy answer would be that life has changed quite a bit since then. I got married in June of 2013. I graduated from graduate school just prior to that, in May of 2013. I got promoted in August 2013 ... and then again in January of 2015. With the promotions came more responsibilities, more work, the usual excuses. My wife and I welcomed our first born child into this world in August of 2014. The little guy has been an amazing blessing that words cannot express, but kids change things. My wife finished her PhD program in 2015. She bounced around a number of part time employment opportunities before landing her desired full time job as a college professor starting this fall. I started teaching at said University last spring, adding teaching a Master's Degree course to my work load. My wife continued doing the part time work she loves on top of the full time work. We found out she was pregnant last fall, with a due date in the late spring of 2016. We then found out we were having twins. In early 2016 we found out that the twins had both died, and we had to go through that. In the last 34 months people have been born, people have died, people have been married, people have been divorced. Simply put, a lot of life happened.

That would all be the easy excuse. I don't blog anymore because I simply don't have time for it. See how busy I am? That's why I don't do it! That excuse would be convenient, and somewhat true, but after really ruminating on this I don't think it's the major factor.

I turned 30 this year, and have also been thinking a great deal about what that means. Generally speaking, it means very little. It's another arbitrary date, in a sea of arbitrary dates, coming from a past that cannot be changed to a future that's guaranteed to none of us. But in another sense, particularly within the context of my marriage, my son's life, and my career, it feels like a defined epoch. Moving from the first "third" of my life (childhood and adolescence) into the second "third," which might be defined as parenting and working to create the world my wife and I want our family and ourselves to live in. It is certainly optimistic to think that thirty years will be only a third of my life; tomorrow may prove that it could actually be the whole of my life, or medical advances might prove that I'm only a quarter of the way through. But this idea, this context feels right to me.

And so, with that context, as I was mowing the lawn the other night on a riding mower that is around 15 years older than me, I came to a conclusion regarding why I haven't been writing. And it prompted me to want to write. This epoch thing isn't just regarding dividing my life into thirds. It's also a very much coming to grips with my changing world view and view on life in general. A few months ago I wrote my annual "Fantasy Football Manifesto." It was harder than ever before to get "ready" for the fantasy football year. When I wrote an email to the league, I simply asked everyone to stay involved, have fun, and remember that it's just a game. That isn't how I would have perceived fantasy football just a few years ago. Why the difference now? The Bears have been KILLED in two straight games, and I'm not sweating it. A few years ago it would have put me in a funk to start my week. Why the difference?

And so, I came back to this: Billy Joel. On his last album he wrote a song entitled "Shades of Grey." So I am going to use his lyrics to better explain all of this: why I've not been writing, why I'm not as worried about things I used to be, why my worldview is changing.

"Some things are perfectly clear, seen with the vision of youth."

So we'll start there. I used to blog a lot, sharing my opinion with whoever wanted to read. That's ultimately what writing in a public forum does. I just finished a book on George H.W. Bush which relied heavily on his own diaries. Now, in a public forum, his thoughts take on a different weight, but they were written or dictated privately. When you post publicly, however, you intentionally putting your opinion out there for others to read, consider, critique, agree with or disagree with.

Bill Simmons, on a recent podcast, was discussing something along these lines. He talked about how he used to write columns driven towards proving a point. At some point he shifted to writing columns to explore an idea, or a sporting event, while giving consideration to multiple points of view. As I listened to the podcast (Simmons is now nearly exclusively an audio/video person, having seemingly given up writing all together), I found his words resonating with me. I may have an opinion, but what makes that opinion valid?

"No doubts and nothing to fear, I claimed the corner on truth."

H.W. Bush is, in my opinion, a completely underrated president. In fact, I think you could make a compelling argument that he was the last great president this country has had. That would be a discussion for another day (perhaps, or perhaps I'll go another long stretch without writing). But one aspect of Bush's legacy that makes me raise that possibility is this: he had his principles, but was willing to work across the aisle to get things done. He knew what he thought was right, but was willing to consider the possibility that his point of view wasn't the only point of view. Bush was the last president from The Greatest Generation; perhaps none of this should be that surprising. But while Bush was, undoubtedly, a man of strong moral and philosophical/political values, he didn't pretend to know it all.

Simmons spoke to the same concepts when talking about his shifting viewpoints on a number of things, from gender rights to concussions in the NFL. I've always been an opinionated person. I like to debate, I like to study topics, and I love to "prove" I'm right. But what makes me right? What makes my point of view the truth? At one point I was able to push through any doubt on that which might have been there, but anymore I hesitate. I know what's "true" to me, but that does not in any way make it "true" for you.

"These days it's harder to say I know what I'm fighting for. My faith is falling away; I'm not that sure anymore."

In some ways, I feel the exact opposite of this line. I know exactly what I'm "fighting for" now, perhaps much more so than ever before. I'm getting up every day, first and foremost, to continue to invest in and nourish my relationship with my wife and child. They are what I'm fighting for first. My job is important to me too; I'm fighting, each day, at work to help improve services for kids in our state. I'm trying to find ways to improve our programs. In either of these cases, I'm fighting to make myself a better man.

Before, I probably felt like I was fighting for something else. To be heard. To be right. To prove to others what they should do. That has begun to fall away. But as it has, the reality is that my faith has strengthened because I've come to a singular reality: I'm the person that needs to improve. If I can become a better man, by extension I'll be a better husband to my wife, a better father to my son, a better supervisor to my employees. Relying on faith is the way that I've found it possible to do that.

"Shades of grey wherever I go. The more I find out, the less that I know."

This is, ultimately, a main reason for my lack of blogging in the last 34 months. I know that I'm "smarter" now than I was 34 months ago. I haven't stopped reading, studying, learning and asking others to help me learn more. But as I've learned more, the more that I've come to the reality that what I know is dwarfed by what I don't know. Put another way, I know just enough about astronomy and astro-physics to know how little I know. Perhaps that's the reality of working with kids, with human beings. We can have the best treatment models in the world, and each person will respond to it differently.

"Now with the wisdom of years I try to reason things out. And the only people I fear are those who never have doubts. Save us all from arrogant men, and all the causes they're for. I won't be righteous again. I'm not that sure anymore."

So here is my brief take as well as conclusion. Look at our political environment right now. Look at our ongoing presidential election race. We have two people who are seemingly unable or unwilling to have doubts. Clinton versus Trump. Donald has even gone as far as to say that "only" he can fix what is "wrong" with our country. Hillary simply just lies. I cannot fathom supporting either of them, yet that's the choice that our system gave us. I cannot fathom how anyone could support either of them, yet I frequently hear from people "how could you support x, you've got to support y, what's wrong with you?" That's how standard that is; you can flip Trump and Clinton, Clinton and Trump, and their supporters feel that certain. Trump may be a good man who is running a sham campaign, but if you judge him just on what he's said I don't see how you can reach that conclusion. A devoted Republican friend of mine said one day "I wanted to do it, I wanted to talk myself in to him, but then he said positive things about Saddam and I just can't do it." Clinton? She can't seem to be willing to be honest with people. She takes small things and makes them into huge issues simply because she won't be honest and real. Who knows if there's a big conspiracy behind her? None of us do. But her unwillingness or inability to be real about whatever has gone on makes it look like she's covering something big up. Who can blame people for not trusting her? But our country is so polarized politically that you either line up as a Republican or a Democrat, a conservative or liberal, and you better never cross that line or else. We don't allow for real political discourse anymore. We have our handful of priorities, and most of us refuse to consider another person's point of view. And that is sad, and in my opinion it is beyond concerning.

I try to reason all these things out. I don't see how anyone can be totally committed to either side. And perhaps that's why I haven't been writing. The more I find out, the less that I know. I'm not that sure anymore.

Required Reading - Billy Joel: The Definitive Biography

First, it's crazy to think that it has been since November of 2013 that I have posted on here. I missed an entire NFL season, I've been to a few concerts, and I've lived a lot of life in the past 14 months... and nothing posted here. To quote Stanley Goodspeed from The Rock "kind of a lot's happened since then."

I'll get into the kind of a lot perhaps, or perhaps I won't, but part of my 2015 goals (I hate "resolutions," but I can live with goals) is to read at least a book a month. So far this year I've finished three, so I'm not off to a bad start as I write this on February 1st, 2015.

Awhile back, when I used to try to update this blog at least periodically, I went through and tagged things. One of the tags that I used was "required reading." I suppose that was a toss out to the approach taken by professors in my under grad and graduate programs. The joke, of course, is that nothing is really "required reading." One class in my graduate program I decided to test that theory, didn't even buy the books, much less read them, and still got an A with little effort. The key is what you know, not how you learn it.

That said, I am an avid reader, and I believe that reading, in the various available forms, is a crucial part of gaining knowledge and informing your world view. I have a huge book collection, and I despise electronic books. The only way this will benefit me is if the world loses all electricity. Solar flare here we come! Of course, this blog would then be lost to the ages as well, which wouldn't happen if I was documenting my thoughts in a journal instead... but then, with my awful handwriting, it would take someone who can decipher my chicken scratch anyway ... and I digress.

As I look back at this blog, here are the books that I've written reviews on and tagged as "required reading":

• 2011: I wrote a post about, intermittently, Jeff Pearlman's book on Walter Payton (which I had not read, but had just finished the Sports Illustrated excerpt on) and a prior Payton book, Never Die Easy. Honestly, I think I tagged it as "required reading" just to add a tag, but I think I wrote the post to explore thoughts on celebrity, and athletes in particular. More on that to come in a future post.
• 2009: I wrote a post about Big Russ and Me by Tim Russert. It's now been over six years since his death, and I really do miss that man. It's funny how you can miss someone you've never met, but Russert's unexpected death left a hole in the lives of many people. 

And... that's it. I love reading, and that was the best I had. So, in the spirit of a new year, and with lots on my mind, and with the need to (very much selfishly) put it out there for the world, but really for me to see, let's give it a new shot.

Billy Joel is my favorite musician of all time. That fact will surprise a lot of people, especially given the fact that I have been to (checking antsmarching.com... please hold) 35 Dave Matthews Band shows (plus three Dave and Tim Shows) in my life. Well, I also love DMB, but there are two major considerations: 

1. DMB tours a lot more (yearly) and much more closely (hello Deer Creek!).
2. DMB tickets are cheaper (as long as my wife continues to let us sit in the lawn - it gets much more expensive when you want to get closer to the stage, but still the most expensive DMB tickets are roughly equal to the cheapest Billy Joel tickets). 

I've written before that my love of DMB dates back to 1994's release of Under The Table And Dreaming, which is impressive given that I was roughly eight at the time. Well, my love for Billy Joel predates that, to a handful of dubbed cassette tapes that my older brother gave me when I was roughly four or five. By 1993 I wanted Billy Joel's River of Dreams for myself, and it was A) a Christmas present from another kid who was at my mom's day care, and B) one of my first cassette tapes ever. Today, I have every Billy Joel album (including Kohuept and Songs From The Attic) on both cassette and CD. When Billy did the River of Dreams tour I remember my dad and brother racing to Indianapolis to see him in concert ... and I remember thinking how much it sucked that I didn't get to go. Many of the family vacations of my youth involved me singing along with Harry Chapin, John Denver, Neil Diamond... and then putting on my headphones and pressing play on my walkman to listen to whatever Billy Joel cassettes I brought with me. When my mom and dad would agree to put in a Billy Joel cassette, it was an awesome moment in the trip: I could sing out loud, rather than having to keep my singing in my head. The cassette release of Greatest Hits Volume 1 & 2 probably got more walkman play than any other cassette: it was routinely the one album that would put me at ease enough to get me to sleep on the road, and to this day it is one that I draw up on my I Pod to help me unwind when I can't stop my mind.

This last fall, a close friend shot me a text with a link to this article from the New Yorker, entitled "Billy Joel, Thirty-Three-Hit Wonder." It was written by Nick Paumgarten, and I savored it, reading a bit at a time, and loving every minute of it. Then I realized that there was a book by Fred Schruers set to be released, and the first thing I did was send a text to my mother and sister-in-law asking if either of them were planning on buying the book for my brother for Christmas, and if not, that I would be. I got the word to get the book for him, and put the book on my wish list as well. 

I first saw Billy Joel in concert in Auburn Hills, Michigan, in the late spring (early summer?) of 2007. I had recently (in the fall of 2006) given in and gone to my first real concerts, seeing Dave Matthews Band at Tinley Park, Illinois, and seeing Roger Waters and his band doing a bunch of Pink Floyd hits, including an entire second act consisting exclusively of Dark Side of the Moon, at Deer Creek. When I realized that Billy was touring, it was time. I bought an extra ticket in hopes that my brother would join me and my friend Mike, but he was unable to join us, so Andy tagged along instead. We were running late to the show, due to traffic heading around Detroit, and Mike got progressively more and more pissed, Andy and I handled it better, but we were all thinking the same thing: "I don't want to miss a minute of this (expletive deleted) show!" We got to the Palace of Auburn Hills, parked, and ran to the venue. As we hit the walkway heading towards our seats we heard the initial notes hit to "Prelude/Angry Young Man" and we knew the show was just starting. We rushed in, singing along, and didn't stop for the whole night. Simply put, Billy delivered, even at the age of 57 (five days before his 58th birthday). 

And then Billy fell of the touring radar. I continued to see DMB, I added in other shows as they were available for other acts (Matchbox 20, The Goo Goo Dolls, etc). I figured that Billy had probably finished touring, and I was feeling pretty blessed that I got to see him even once. Then, after Hurricane/Super Storm Sandy hit the eastern seaboard, there was a concert (12.12.12) and Billy played. I didn't see the show and heard that Billy wasn't looking or sounding good from some friends, so I, reluctantly looked up the show ... and couldn't have disagreed more. Further, the reviewers of the show seemed to agree with my interpretation, as Billy seemed to have stolen the night. He rocked, he had the presence, and his voice still sounded great. The ensuing "residency" at Madison Square Garden was announced, and then a few other tour dates trickled out. Before I knew it we had purchased tickets to see Billy at The Palace again in February 2014. Once again I reached out to see if my brother and his wife would want to join in the show, and it didn't work out. My wife, mother-in-law, and I went and had a blast. While the show was shorter than the previous show I saw, I also had to remember that it was almost seven years later, and Billy was turning 65 now. Every song he sang, however, gave no indication that he couldn't still bring it with the best of them. And then they announced it: Billy Joel - Wrigley Field - July 18, 2014. As an avid Cubs fan, and a fan of DMB and Pearl Jam, having seen both play Live at Wrigley, it wasn't a question of it I would go. It was simply a question of how much money I would have to spend on the secondary market after I was unable to buy the tickets prior to the show selling out. 

I had learned my lesson the year before, for the Pearl Jam show. That time I thought "there's no way these tickets will sell for this much, I'll wait for them to come down." In related news, sometimes I'm an idiot. I passed on the Pearl Jam tickets at 1.5 times the face value... and ended up paying, let's just say, a bit more than that. While it was totally worth it, I was not going to relive that experience. As soon as the show sold out, and I was unable to get tickets, I went to StubHub, went to the same general section I had been in for both the DMB and Pearl Jam shows (upper deck, down the right field line) and bought two tickets. I then called my brother, told him to get the day off work, and that I was taking him - no questions asked - just the two of us. It was time. 

This isn't about reviewing that show - Billy brought it, as expected, only days after his mother died - but let's just say that while I hope to see Billy again before he hangs up his playing shoes for the last time, finally seeing him live, with my brother who got me hooked on him all those years ago, was the pinnacle in many ways. So, when I had the chance to buy him the book for Christmas it was a no-brainer. Furthermore, it was equally awesome when he bought me the same book for Christmas. And so, with all this background, I sat down to read the book.

What can I say about the book? It's phenomenal - Schruers does an incredible job throughout the book of interspersing Joel's life story with the lyrics he has written. The best part of the book is how it definitively ties together lyrics that you always suspected were based in real life experiences. Schruers breaks the book apart in sections, each playing the part of a certain act of Billy's life. There are the origins (entitled the Ballad of Billy The Kid), which looks at Billy's childhood, family history, and goes up through his early music career. The second section, about him breaking through, is entitled They Say There's a Heaven for Those Who Will Wait. This section looks at Billy's rise, going through most of his albums, and into the late 1980s. The next section, entitled It's All or Nothing at All, looks at the end of his pop-music writing career, encompassing Storm Front and River of Dreams, and the ensuing tours for the following decade and a half. Finally, Schruers looks at the fourth chapter of Joel's life, entitled "A Legend in His Time: Ain't It Sweet After All These Years." At the end of this section Joel talks very frankly about his impending death, and about his experience on the Earth. He talks about what he would say to an 18 year old version of himself, wonders if the 18 year old would listen, and muses about the intersection of mortality, history, and the future. 

The best part of the book is that these discussions the Billy has are frequent, and they give such tremendous depth to all of his work. I am very familiar with all of Billy's studio albums; in fact, the one he (and most fans probably) hate the most, Cold Spring Harbor, is one of my very favorites for the rawness in the lyrics (not to mention the more folksy feel). This book has made me go back to them all, listening again, seeking confirmation and better understanding. This is doubly so due to Billy's own willingness, as examined in this book, to examine his own lyrics and the reasons for them. Reading about his own method for constructing songs ("backwards" according to Billy), sheds light on why a song like "Nocturne," the ninth track on the aforementioned Cold Spring Harbor, can resonate so deeply without even a lyric. For a fan of Billy Joel this song lifts the veil and allows you to see the brilliance that exists within a man who is historically aware enough to acknowledge that he wouldn't be here "without the Nazis" (a reflection on the way his family was forced to leave Europe to survive, ultimately ending up with his father in New York). For a fanatic, such as myself? Well, this book is a tome of information, insight, and is quite simply a joy. The book certainly meets my criteria for rating something as an exceptional book: I'm a bit sad that it's over. But the beauty of this work is that it is a self-fulfilling cycle: while the book may be over, Billy's music never will be, at least not for me. This book enabled me to get even deeper into the music than I was before, and that is a gift. As a country we love our heroes, and we want them to be largely infallible (click here for my previous take on this regarding Walter Payton and the aforementioned Pearlman book). Billy Joel is the exact opposite: he is beloved because he is every bit as screwed up as we are, and he made a living presenting that imperfect existence in a way the resonated with anyone who was willing to listen, and was being honest with themselves. Billy's music is unbridled human existence presented through the guise of piano music. It is a series of history lessons mixed in with the philosophical questions man has been asking since the beginning of time in many ways. And it's all wrapped up in a catchy tune that enables it to become rather timeless. 

My son will grow up singing Dave Matthews Band for sure (poor kid, he doesn't have a chance in between his mother and me), but he will also grow up singing Billy Joel. Already, at five months, he is familiar not just with "Lullabye," but also with "2000 years" and "Leningrad" from being sung to sleep. There are many more to come. As I watched Billy take the stage after receiving the Gershwin award (one of so many awards he has received through the years) I thought about how fortunate we are to have music as a release for creative expression. Specifically, how fortunate we are to have had Billy Joel to explore his own existence, his own depths of solitude, and his own moments of euphoria. At the end of the day, most music is in some way about the human experience. Billy Joel simply does it better than most.

NFL Week 11 Picks

Indianapolis (-3) over Tennessee 

Chicago (-3) over Baltimore

NY Jets (-2) over Buffalo

Cleveland (+6) over Cincinnati 

Philadelphia (-5) over Washington

Detroit (-3) over Pittsburgh

Atlanta (+1) over Tampa Bay

Arizona (-9) over Jacksonville

Oakland (+9) over Houston - Houston straight up

San Diego (-2) over Miami

New Orleans (-3) over San Francisco 

NY Giants (-4) over Green Bay

Seattle (-13) over Minnesota 

Kansas City (+10) over Denver - Denver straight up

New England (+3) over Carolina 

Last week against the spread: 7-7

Last week straight up: 8-6

Season against the spread: 58-76-7

Season straight up: 87-60

Week 10 NFL Picks

Yuck. I normally don't look at my picks mid week, and I usually can't remember who I picked, but last week I was curious for some reason so I checked my picks after the first slate of games Sunday. And... yuck. The result: 1-6 against the spread after the early games. I then went 1-3 in the afternoon games, and finished up with 0-1-1 in the Sunday/Monday night games. Drum roll please:

Last week against the spread: 2-10-1
Last week straight up: 5-8
Season against the spread: 51-69-7
Season straight up: 79-54

Well ... that wasn't very good. At least the Bears beat my brother's Packers. Of course, he exacted revenge on me by beating my by 30 points in our fantasy football matchup ... when I would have outscored anyone else in the league by 20 points. Anyway, the picks:

Thursday Night Game

Washington (-1) over Minnesota - Well, we're off to a great start here...

Sunday early games

Cincinnati (-1.5) over Baltimore - I'm tired of saying "Baltimore has to turn it on now to salvage their season." Now that I'm picking against them the can actually do that.

Seattle (-6) over Atlanta - I took the Falcons plus nine last week against the Panthers and they couldn't cover that.

Chicago (PK) over Detroit - "Don't stop ... believing"

Philadelphia (+1) over Green Bay - Letter from my brother to his man Brett: "please come back ... we need you now more than ever. Did you see what those mean old Bears did to Aaron? He's just not built like you are. We need you Brett. Hell I need you. I can't even function without you. Please?"

Tennessee (-13) over Jacksonville - The Jaguars screw me every week. I take the points, they get blown out. I lay the points, they play just close enough. Screw you Jacksonville.

NY Giants (-7.5) over Oakland - If Eli can't pass on the Raiders the week after Nick freaking Foles threw seven TDs against them like they were a Madden defense set on "Rookie Mode" ...

Indianapolis (-9.5) over St. Louis - The Colts can't possibly lose this year, right? They were supposed to regress, but they are unbeatable. (Note: jinx is in effect).

Sunday Late Games

Pittsburgh (-3) over Buffalo - why not?

San Francisco (-6.5) over Carolina - I think this is the week that we start to realize that San Francisco hasn't lost to anyone other than Seattle and Indy.

Arizona (-2.5) over Houston - Am I crazy for liking Case Keenum?

Denver (-7) over San Diego - Let's go Peyton, Let's GO!

Sunday Night Game

New Orleans (-7) over Dallas - I hope the Saints win the NFC if the Bears can't ... er, when the Bears can't.

Monday Night Game 

Tampa Bay (+3) over the Miami Incognitos - Hard to believe people are even a little surprised that stuff like this goes on in NFL locker rooms. Sad to see that the other Dolphins are coming out in favor of the bully.

Week 9 NFL Picks

Last week I just threw the picks out there in a matter of moments. The weeks prior I gave the picks serious thought and had a terrible record. Did the shotgun approach to the picks last week help?

Last week against the spread: 7-6
Last week straight up: 10-3

Well, at least it stopped the bleeding. This week I'll give it more time, but I need to learn some lessons from last week: gut instincts work well.

Thursday Night Game:

Cincinnati (-3) over Miami - Thursday night football sucks, and may be the work of El Diablo. Also, Miami has now lost four straight games, and Cincinnati just destroyed the Jets. All things equal this should be a pretty easy game to pick. But, again, Thursday night football = awful idea, possibly of diabolic intent.

Sunday Early Game:

Kansas City (-3) over Buffalo - Cleveland's tough game with Jason Campbell at the helm tells me all I need to know about KC's long term prospects. But they should manage to win this game.

Dallas (-12) over Minnesota - I'm sending this one out to Leslie Frazier's inner dialogue: "Put me out of my misery. I'd do it for you, would you do it for me?" So my two thoughts on this game are: Dallas needs this win after their collapse last week, and I imagine Leslie Frazier likes Soul Asylum.

St. Louis (+3) over Tennessee - I feel like Tennessee may be an insy bit better, but I don't really know what to make of St. Louis. Bradford gets knocked out for the season and then they play Seattle super tough. I guess I'll grab the points and hope for the best.

New Orleans (-7) over NY Jets - Doesn't it feel like New Orleans should be able to win by more than a TD after watching the Jets not even show up against the Bengals last week?

San Diego (-1) over Washington - I'm sending this one out to Mike Shanahan's inner dialogue: "It seems no one can help me now, I'm in too deep, there's no way out. This time I have really led myself astray." So my two thoughts for this game are: I can't believe the Bears blew that game against this awful Washington team, and I imagine Mike Shanahan has no idea who Soul Asylum is, but he's on a Runaway Train to the unemployment line (see what I did there?).

Atlanta (+9) over Carolina - Wait that doesn't look even remotely right. The Falcons were this close to the Super Bowl last year, and now they can get nine points against Carolina. I need to delve deeper. The Falcons have lost five games; only last week against the Cardinals did they lose by more than nine points. The Panthers have won four games; in all four wins they have won by more than nine points... but they also got drubbed by the same Cardinals team that just drubbed the Falcons. I will go with Atlanta here under the premise that I need to listen to my gut... but if Carolina kills Atlanta I need to consider that Carolina might actually be sneaky good.

Sunday Late Games:

Oakland (-1) over Philadelphia - I don't ask for much, but can either Foles or Vick stay upright enough to not completely kill McCoy's value the same way Doug Martin and C.J. Spiller's value has gone in the tank this year?

Seattle (-17) over Tampa Bay - This is a large spread but Tampa Bay is a really bad team. I'm just hoping for garbage time yards (and a TD?) for Vincent Jackson.

Baltimore (-3) over Cleveland - Coming off the bye week the Ravens need to get things righted if they aren't going to have the embarrassing Super Bowl Champ to missing the playoff fall.

New England (-7) over Pittsburgh- and just like that ... I'm off the Steeler's bandwagon.

Sunday Night Game:

Indianapolis (-3) over Houston - My AFC champion pick of the Texans isn't looking so hot right now. My pick for the Colts to miss the playoffs at 8-8 isn't looking any better.

Monday Night Game:

Green Bay (-12) over Chicago - I want to take the Bears here, but our defense is so bad that I think that even if we score 40 they can score 53. To make this game interesting I'm going to start three Bears on my fantasy team this week. I hope the Bears beat the Pack, but I think at the end of this game I'll be crushed (since my Bears will lose) while I expect my brother to be ecstatic (since his Packers will win). Either way, go McCown, Forte and Marshall!

Season against the spread: 55-59-6
Season straight up: 74-46

Week 8 Picks

This week got away from me...

Panthers (-7) over Tampa
Detroit (-3) over Dallas
Kansas City (-9) over Cleveland
New England (-7) over Miami
New Orleans (-12) over Buffalo
NY Giants (+5) over Philadelphia
San Francisco (-16) over Jacksonville
NY Jets (+7) over Cincinnati
Pittsburgh (-1) over Oakland
Denver (-13) over Washington
Atlanta (+1) over Arizona
Green Bay (-10) over Minnesota
Seattle (-13) over St. Louis

Last week against the spread: 6-9
Last week straight up: 7-8
Season against the spread: 48-53-6 (gap ... widening...)
Season straight up: 64-43

Different … But Back to Good? The POV Breakdown of Matchbox Twenty’s North

As promised, here is the first non-football post in awhile. This one was written some time ago (based on the word document time stamp it would have been 03/17/2013 ... but who's counting), but I think it's still a decent review of a good album.

1996 was a great year. The economy was on the upswing. The polarization of politics, while clearly beginning to take on its current form, was nothing compared to today (oh for the days of Newt Gingrich’s “Contract With America,” rather than Rand Paul’s “Hypocrisy For America”). And, of course, the Chicago Bulls were back in action, having completed a 72-10 year which culminated with their fourth NBA championship. That year also saw the release of a new band’s first album, Yourself or Someone Like You. The band, then known as Matchbox 20, had something on their side that made them seem different from much of the pop/rock scene in the mid 1990s. A friend of mine at the time, Matt, was able to put his finger on it sometime later. That something they had was angst, and it permeated the entire album.

It really shouldn’t be a major surprise that Yourself became such a popular album, anymore than it should be a surprise that the album resonated with persons in their teens and twenties during the 1996 through 2000 period that it was at its height. The album was written, in large part, by Rob Thomas, the band’s front man. Thomas was 24 at the time of the album’s release, and, by most accounts, was fairly angst filled in a relative way. A high school drop out, he was raised by his mother after his father pretty much dropped out of his life following a divorce. Thomas’s relationships weren't anything to write home about, and he focused his energy and efforts on becoming a rock star. All of this makes Thomas an every man in most respects. What set him apart was his unique ability to write songs.

Yourself began with the song “Real World,” which became a hit single off the album. This song is something of a chorus to most 24 year old's who are simply struggling to get by, and it resonated on the Top 40 charts. “Long Day,” the first official single off the album, getting rock play, was more of the same. Throughout the other singles (“3 A.M.”, “Push”, and “Back 2 Good”) a common theme is unearthed. The songs paint a picture of an individual, or individuals, who are struggling to figure something out. Whether it’s the real world continuing to hassle them, the exasperation at the end of the day, or the confusion and struggle of finding a meaningful romantic relationship, the hits off of Yourself spoke to young persons coming of age. Digging deeper into the album, and the angst gets deeper, and the feelings illuminate. Perhaps the two best songs on the album, “Kody” and “Hang”, paint this picture brilliantly. And, in the end, Matt’s breakdown still stands: Thomas sounds angry through many of the songs, and listening to the lyrics you can understand why. After five singles, Yourself or Someone Like You not only became one of the surprise contenders for the best album of the 1990s, but it also established Matchbox 20 as a force to be reckoned with.

The slow roll out of the album (released in 1996, picking up momentum in 1997, and blooming fully in 1998) afforded the band years to work on their second album without it really feeling like it took years. Thomas also nailed a mega hit in his collaboration with Carlos Santana, as “Smooth” won Thomas three Grammy Awards. By 2000 there was a good deal of build up for the Sophomore effort by the band. Now known as Matchbox Twenty, Mad Season became that 2^nd album. The first song was a great indicator of the change that had occurred in Thomas’s life in the years between 1996 and 2000; entitled “Angry,” the lyrics state “it’s good that I’m not angry anymore.” If only that was the truth. Mad Season lacked the edge of the band’s first effort, and it showed.

Of course, Thomas continued to be the lead writer, and his life had changed considerably since 1996. Now married, and happily so, Thomas was 28 and much seemed much more comfortable in life. That comfort showed in the lyrics and mood of the album. The first single, “Bent,” had a bit of the attitude found on Yourself, but the rest of the album felt very different. Whereas the first album could be described as a unique blend of rock, pop and alternative, the second album felt much more straight pop. Thomas’s skills in writing a catchy song continued to be highlighted, but the album left something to be desired for many fans. The radio play for the album also paled in comparison to Yourself.

The group came together much quicker for their third effort, More Than You Think You Are. The album played with more edge than Mad Season, but seemed to lack in the lyrical department compared with both predecessors. The group then went their separate ways for awhile, and Thomas released Something to Be as a solo effort. More than anything, Something made clear that Rob Thomas was a pop writer of great skill. When the group reunited for a greatest hits compilation (which included a few new tracks) Exile on Mainstream they went on tour. It was then that I first went to see Matchbox Twenty live, in 2008.

I expected something rather lacking, as it seemed to me that every step along the way the band had lost a bit of what had made its’ first effort great. Instead, I was blown away by the energy that Thomas brought to the stage, and by how well the band played together. I thoroughly enjoyed the show, and was hopeful that the tour would bring energy to the band’s creative development, perhaps leading to a new album. More than that, I was hopeful that if there was another album, it would be worthy of being held up alongside Yourself. Instead, the band again took “time away” and Thomas released a second solo effort, Cradlesong. Honestly, I’m not even sure if I knew that he released that album before I started researching the group for the post. At the least, I can say that I, for the first time, didn’t go out and buy a new Matchbox Twenty/Rob Thomas album. And the group subsequently faded from my field of vision.

As I said when I reviewed the most recent Dave Matthews Band Album, Away From The World, I am a big believer that angst drives powerful music. My favorite Billy Joel songs seem to have been written at a time in his life when he was pretty unhappy. One album, written when he was … ahem … “seeing” Christie Brinkley, seemed to be written when Joel was particularly happy. That album, An Innocent Man happens to be one of Joel’s best selling albums. It also happens to suck. (Side note: how in the hell did Billy Joel end up … “seeing” … both Elle Macpherson and Christie Brinkley?) One day, while surfing the web I noticed that Matchbox Twenty had a new album, North, coming out in 2012. After getting it, I put it in …

… and was pleasantly surprised. The album features twelve songs, with a wide variety of feel. The first song, “Parade,” starts the album with good energy. More than anything, the bridge of the song has a 1990s Top 40 feel, giving the song a feel of a song that could have held its’ own on Yourself or Someone Like You, sort of a combination of “Real World” and “Long Day”. The next song, “She’s So Mean,” was the first single off the album, and felt a bit like a popped up version of “Girl Like That.” But the real strength of this album was how the band seemed to integrate parts of prior albums that worked with new takes on pop music. “Overjoyed,” the third song on the album and the second single released, took the slow pop approach that the group first displayed on Mad Season and shined it up a bit. Then, after three songs that can easily be compared to prior work, the band placed the song “Put Your Hands Up,” which is a bit more unique. One can almost imagine the group listening to the radio, hearing the most recent dance club pop song, and saying “I bet we can do that.” This song is a great illustration of Thomas’s ability to write pop music for whatever the occasion requires.

Track five, “Our Song,” brings my mind to some songs the Goo Goo Dolls have written in recent years, only it’s far better than anything the Goo Goo Dolls have done. It has a manic feel, pushing through the chorus time and again. The group then presents the song “I Will,” which slows the pace down and simply showcases Thomas’s voice. With simple piano and guitar plucking guiding him along, the song also serves as a bit of an intermission to the album. The next track, “English Town,” fits as the group’s attempt at a big, dark beast of a song. The transitions between the soft verse with haunting piano and the powerful choruses are like night and day. The song also feels a bit like a unique cross between a song like “Kody” and “Rest Stop.”

After the darker presentation of “English Town” the album then moves on to a simple, short, poppy song in “How Long.” The ninth track, “Radio,” plays well and takes the listener back to the time when listening to the radio was the way to find out about new music, rather than downloading the songs on iTunes or shuffling through Pandora. “The Way,” the first track without Thomas on the vocals, has the feel of an 80s song, and does the job of feeling out of place, yet somehow right. At this point, ten songs in, and without a weak link, the band only needs a solid finisher to round off the album.

The eleventh track, “Like Sugar” feels like a song off of their third album, which naturally makes it one of the weaker songs on the album. But the listener will quickly forget about this when the end track, “Sleeping at the Wheel” comes on. This song has a unique feel, almost a merging of “Leave” and “Hang.” In reality, the song provides an emphatic answer to the angst of Yourself or Someone Like You. It is the mature Matchbox Twenty (and, really, Thomas) answering the confusion and anger of youth with the resolute answer of adulthood:

And now these hands are tied
I can't help thinking
That I was in a daze, I was losing my place
I was screaming out at everything

In February 2013, the day before Valentine’s day, I went to see Matchbox Twenty a second time. My fiancé (UPDATE: she's now my wife!) got us tickets for Christmas, and so we went to a much smaller venue than the first time I saw them and settled in. As we waited for the group to take the stage, I overheard that the next day was Rob Thomas’s birthday. His 41^st birthday. And I realized that, for me, he had been pretty much stuck in my mind. In 1996. When the first album was written he was 24, angst filled, and unsure about where he was headed. Now, at 40, he writes this most recent album, and life is different. And what is he, and what is the band? Thomas is one of the best pop writers alive today, and Matchbox Twenty is one vehicle which he uses to get that music out. During the show, after playing “Real World” Thomas announced “we’re going to stay in 1996 for the next few songs” and the crowd, predictably, went nuts. We all wanted to stay in 1996 as well. But the band wasn’t going to play Yourself or Someone Like You front to back, and a unique thing happened: the biggest crowd responses were for the songs off the first album, but the songs off of North seemed to register next in terms of popularity (with the possible exception of “Bent” and, perhaps, “Bed of Lies”). And, so, having taken it all it, I can give the following assessment of the album:

North is not Yourself or Someone Like You. It is different, and it illustrates Thomas’s ability to write a variety of pop songs and styles. But it is comfortable to a Matchbox Twenty fan, and it plays well front to back. And, in a way, it might be seen as an excellent merging of a more mature Matchbox Twenty with their angst filled past. Thomas (and company) may not be angry anymore, but they may have also reached their musical apex. And they still put on one hell of a show.

Album Breakdown:

                                  Parade – 5/5

                   She’s So Mean – 4/5

                   Overjoyed – 3/5

                   Our Song – 3.5/5

                    I Will – 4.5/5

                   English Town – 4.5/5

                 How Long – 3.5/5

                  Radio – 3.5/5

1               The Way – 3/5

1                Like Sugar – 3/5

                Sleeping At The Wheel – 5/5

Total: 3.8/5 album rating